









Anyway ..... as ah say ..... meh arm zorcin ...... an' ah cyah really type too much ..... so fuh now ..... ah go leave yuh with some newspaper foolishness ..... which by de way ..... eh nuttin NEW!
STEUPS ..... it eh have NO thrill ..... dat lasting only 10 minutes ...... dat could get my $200!!!

What dem really lookin for ...... ah Maid ....... or ah Woman ....... cuz what de heck is ah 'Maid Companion' ...... an' why de nex one hadda be 'YOUNG ATTRACTIVE'???
Grrrrrr??? ..... in Trinidad??? .... anyway Mr and Miss ..... if yuh plannin tuh go tuh de screenin ..... remember tuh brush up on yuh ..... "playin hide and seek wit trees while singing love songs" skills!!! ..... cuz that's sure tuh come up in de audition!
...... and then what ..... do I get your 'make thousands weekly' magic powers over the phone .....
First tuh begin ...... 'WE GIVES CERTIFICATE' ...... suggests tuh me ..... that the writer of this ad ...... was NOT given a certificate in English ..... and second tuh continue ..... 'CERTIFIED TELEMARKETERS' ..... suggests tuh me ..... dat yuh could actually become 'certified' in dat shit ..... but really an' truly ...... what is this ad about ..... anybody? ...... anybody? 
Who need dis shit ..... when we have de STAMINA MAN ...... Trevor Sayers ...... on top ah dat ..... de Chinese already have dat LITTLE stigma when it comes tuh sex ..... so would anybody really trust their sex herbs ...... btw ...... what is female impotence?
Yuh ever hear dat dotish ad on de radio ...... where de gyul does say "so you don't have tuh be at a LOST" ...... well guess what ..... right now ..... dat ad have me ..... AT A LOST ...... cuz what de heck is Dinner Plated ..... is that like something coated with Dinner ..... and what is Black/White Cutleries? ...... is Cutleries even a word?
I said, a hip hop the hippie the hippie
To the hip hip hop, a you don't stop
The rock it to the bang, bang boogie
Say up jumped the boogie
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat ...
"If you can't afford us, well don't call us - Only for the elite and important" ...... HELLO .... in Trini ..... if yuh ELITE and IMPORTANT ...... yuh could get ah @#$%& FUH FREE!!!
Why 26 bwoy ..... is 26 the legal punch makin age ...... an' why yuh hadda be HONEST tuh make punch ..... wha ..... yuh go cheat on de milk ..... and LOL ...... MUST NEED A JOB AND NOT WANT! ...... love it!! ![]()

Wait a minute ..... someone paid for an ad ...... tuh give away chicken manure FREE ...... sounds like dey really lookin fuh ah FREE chicken coop cleanout! ..... which brings me tuh another point ...... how many chickens ....... you hadda have ...... tuh be able tuh gather up enough chicken shit ...... tuh be able tuh put out an ad ..... tuh give it way free??!!! ..... da'is rel chicken shit bwoy!
Steups ..... I smell ah PLACEBO!! ...... this ad woulda been more effective on ..... persons born yesterday ...... or those who went tuh school in August ...... not ones who could actually read ah papers!
OMG ..... this is so true ..... I think I'll call when ah done pick up meh chicken shit ..... cuz yeah ..... who else would you want to talk to ..... if you knew that ...... tomorrow may never come!???
What de heck is dis ...... yuh could SCRUB away yuh age now????
OK ..... clearly Woodzy was a lil woozy ..... when he was writin dis ad ....... cuz HELLO ....... ages 4??? (learn to ride Motorcycle) ..... to 99 ...... an' wha happen tuh peeps over 99???
WOW ...... PH ads still runnin??? ...... even tho Mr. Colm Imbert come an' say dat PH Drivers could now be fined $8000!
A A ..... remember Phatty Poonks (from meh last Trini Classifieds post) ..... well look she in Tobago dis week! ...... ahhhppppps Tobago goin' an' get it nice!!
PANDIT ..... PUNDIT ..... PUNDITH ...... are those like different levels of Punditry?
What a name ...... an' is real role-players dey need bwoy!
LOL ..... down tuh de burglar proof an' all sellin!!!
Did this ad end up in de wrong century ...... who does use typewriters anymore ...... worse again ah manual one?!
Lawd .... the irony of doing someting tuh beautify yuhself ..... but then going out in public while still "in transit" ......
LOL .... first time ah ever hear dis excuse ..... de man say ..... he buy in bulk one time ..... tuh avoid de risk of gettin ketch every minute!
EH ..... first time ah ever see someting like dis ..... gangsters surrenderin!!
WOW ..... another first ...... Westmoorings AND Goodwood Park ...... make ah jail!!!
LOL .... Trini Pohlice again ..... dey give people traffic ticket ..... an' dey eh put no name or car number on de ticket ..... 
Oh gorm ...... FUH REAL ...... dah heat killin we!!
Duh ...... wit a slogan like ...... JUST DO IT ...... of course NIKE would say is OK fuh Tiger tuh take ah BREAK!
I realise ...... real people doh know when tuh use ...... LOSE ...... and LOOSE ..... cuz de amount ah times I does see LOOSE ..... when is really LOSE dey want tuh say ..... 
Ah wonder if WASA know bout dis?
Oh gorm Guardian ...... two typos ...... one bad enough!!!
EH???? ...... Question Mark???? ..... where dat come from???
What is a Menopause Test ..... does it tell you that you have The Menopause ...... cuz I thought you'd pretty much know when it arrives!
OK ..... this is another confusing ad ...... what is Passport Training? ...... I mean like why is a private company advertising Passport Training .... don't you learn dat shit when yuh workin in de Passport Office??
Come on Pizza Hut .... is WHET ...... not Wet!
At Playdium ..... where ADMISSONED is absolutely Free Free Free ...... you get to experience mind blowing games NEVER seen elsewhere ..... like BOWLING??? ..... didn't we use tuh have bowling in South once?!
Could they have worded this NOTICE any clumsier?!
I so have Zero tuh say about this ..... just go out ..... and buy yuh Hardcover ...... or yuh Paperback ...... and learn all about how Jack went from Zero ..... to Hero! ...... altho ....... de book I really want tuh get ..... is de one on how he went from Zero ...... tuh Zillionaire!
Wha ..... West Bees have shopping ISLES?? 
What is a "Trini" Shower Mixer? ...... steups ...... de ad was goin good ...... until dey put eeeeen dat "Trini" in it!
Grrrrrrrrr????
Ah wonder if dis could work fuh some of de human animals dat runnin ah mock out dere?!
NUFF SAID!!!








Right ...... so I've done a good deed fuh de day (I think) ...... leh we get serious now ......
What it is lately wit those two million dollar words ....... MILLION DOLLARS?!
Cuz ah see Rowley get ONE MILLION ...... last week Laundry get swindle a few MILLION ....... den on Tuesday apparently dey tief Lara ONE MILLION!!!
Now what I want tuh know is dis ...... why de arse it is Brian Lara have ah MILLION dollars CASH in his house ...... you want tuh tell me ...... he couldn't find SOMEBODY tuh take dat cash tuh de Bank fuh him ...... de Bank does close quite 6:00 ...... I mean ..... who in dey rite mind go hoard ah MILLION dollars in dey house ...... dat ting coulda be earnin ah cool interest ...... an' I doh even know what ah MILLION dollars cash does look like ..... but obviously somebody in de house did ..... and it eh hard tuh imagine ...... dat de stacks of bundles was probably bunnin dey eye ..... and where exactly was de money ...... in de Safe ...... cuz HELLO ..... if da'is where it was ..... den Jah ..... not even ah SAFE an' all safe!!!
Anyway ..... ah hope de Police recover all his shit yes ..... money and tickets ...... cuz nobody likes tuh lose ah MILLION DOLLARS ..... and nobody wants tuh party wit Beyonce and 40 VVIP bandits!
And on another pack ah crap ...... who is de idiot ...... who give some odda idiot ..... de permission and licences and whatever else yuh does need ...... tuh trow ah dotish WET FETE ....... when we scruntin fuh water ..... and prayin fuh ah lil rain ...... and only hearin an' seein ah setta crap bout CONSERVE WATER ..... doh wash yuh car wit hose ..... yuh go get fine ...... doh waste water ...... doh water yuh plants ...... doh leave de tap runnin when yuh brushin yuh teet ...... pass on yuh bath water if yuh wasn't too dirty ..... and misc odda shit ...... EH? ...... what water it is dem goin an' use fuh dey WET FETE????
Look at dis shit ..... Page 16 of de Express ...... WET AND WILD ..... CARNIVAL FOAM AND WET PARTY ..... Feb 7!!!
Steups ...... and just two pages later ...... Page 18 of de same Express ..... tellin we tuh doh leave we tap runnin blah, blah, blah!!!!!
PS: Wheeeey ...... I am two years old today ...... can't believe a whole other year has gone by ...... BIG UP tuh all of y'all who dropped by ...... and even subscribed ![]()





















I watchin Friday Night Live on Synergy TV ..... when time fuh ads reach ...... and LAWD ..... what ah ad break it was!! ..... ah nearly fall off meh chair wit laugh ..... cuz Trevor Sayers serious?! ..... who woulda ever tink ..... dat he would one day top himself ..... wit an even more dotish ad ..... dan de one where he does end off wit ..... "AND REMEMBER ..... I LOVE YOU"???!!!
Cuz what de france is STAMINA MAN??!!!
He cyah be fuh real!!!
What HERBS it is exactly ..... he does sell???
..... cuz watch meh ..... as at today ..... I doh know if de man is a real Doctor ..... or a Naturalized Love Doctor ..... or ah Herbalist ...... or a Singer ..... or a Preacher ...... or a highman ...... or if he even sane at all ..... cuz dis rounds ..... wit dis particular STAMINA product ..... de man went all out ..... and flim bout 3 different videos fuh our viewing pleasure ......yes ..... he make de one below (in HD) ...... ah 2010 version ..... and last and by far de least creative ..... de REMIX!
Anyway ....... under all de ole talk doh ....... ah tryin tuh access de website (www.naturalizedherbs.com) ..... an' ah cyah get orn tuh it fuh nuttin (maybe it need ah lil STAMINA) ...... so if anybody have any info on dis product ...... holla at meh nah ..... cuz is Cahneeval ..... an' yuh could never have too much STAMINA!!!
Oh gosh ..... STAMINA MAN lookin like he run out of STAMINA ..... which is understandable ..... cuz those
3 videos woulda require real STAMINA (and balls) tuh flim!!!
PS: .... buh wait ..... is Anya Ayoung Chee ah seein under "Related Videos"?! ...... uhhhh ..... why ...... jus because she was STAMINA WOMAN in she sex tapes ...... an' wait ..... talkin about sex tapes ..... she wasn't supposed tuh have some Press Conference after CHOGM!!??












You tink it right ..... dat on de Eve .....of de Eve ..... of Christmas Eve ..... I should be stressin!?
Noooooo ..... I should be drinkin some Sorrel ..... and eatin some Pastelle ....... and washin dat down with some Black Cake and Ponche de Creme!!!
Earlier dis year ...... when de mark had buss on CLICO ...... I didn't dig no scene ...... cuz ah tell mehself ...... Government bailin dem out ...... we (Policyholders) eh have nuttin tuh worry about ..... we safe! ..... den too ..... is real small money I have wit dem ...... so knowing dat meh policy was due tuh 'mature' dis month ...... I carried orn as normal ..... payin meh premium ..... and counting down tuh December!
Now doh ask meh what de policy is about eh ...... cuz ah doh know ...... I take out dat policy in de dark ages ...... when I was about 20 ...... and when Insurance Agents used tuh stalk yuh until yuh take out ah policy! ...... all I know .... is dat every five years ..... it does 'mature' ...... and ..... being the anal person that I am ...... I diarise dat shit!
Thankfully ..... and coincidentally (re de setta money ah jus spend on surgery) ..... de 4th installment became due this month ...... December 7 ..... and on December 7 self ...... ah get de advice in de mail ...... so on December 8 ah call dem tuh enquire and acquire (my cheque) ..... and to find out how tuh cancel de policy ..... cuz as ah say ...... I have dat policy donkey years now ...... and I really doh want it no more ......
So ring ring ..... I ask for Catherine (whose name was one of three CSRs tuh contact) ...... and I give her my story ..... to which she advises ..... that my November premium did not come in as yet ...... and that I have one of two options:
Now mind you ...... ah doh know why de france ...... on December 8 ...... dey still had not received my November premium eh ..... cuz is ah bloody standing order I have ..... fuh de 23rd monthly!
Anyway ..... after contemplating those two very simple options (fuh all of two seconds) ...... I told Catherine that I'd take de cheque now (i.e. less de November premium) ...... and we'll deal wit de November premium after .....
Right ...... December 15 reach now ..... an' ah cyah hear or see nuttin ...... so I call Catherine tuh follow-up ...... cuz is ah whole week pass ..... and nobody eh callin tuh say dat de cheque ready ...... well is like who tell me do dat ...... ah get boof yes ...... cuz apparently ....... de day after ah talk tuh her (December 9) ....... de November payment come eeeen ...... and she had supposedly done process de transaction ..... so she then had tuh go and do over de whole scene ...... blah, blah, blah ......
But ..... WHAT @#*$%^& EVER!!!! ...... T.M.I.!!! ...... da'is not my problem ...... I jus want tuh know de date tuh collect de cheque!!!
So anyway ..... as ah was sayin ..... my gyul wit her newfound attitude ..... then advises that the cheque should actually be ready that same day (i.e. December 15) ..... and that she'd call me when it is ...... in other words ..... DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!
December 22 reach now (today!) ...... ah nex whole week later ...... and Catherine cyah call me yet!! ...... so I call AGAIN! ..... but I eh ask fuh Catherine ..... cuz if I did only talk tuh she ..... and she give me more attitude ...... ah woulda have tuh hit she ah TSTT cuss ...... so I let the call go to the Operator ..... and I ask for the CUSTOMER SERVICE Department ..... where a very sprightly Nisha answers ..... so I give Nisha my story ..... and I enquire as to when my cheque would be ready ...... to which she replies ..... I CAN'T SAY ....... Grrrrrrrrrr??!! ...... how long does it take to issue ah cheque fuh small-ass money???!!!!
I then suddenly remember that ...... tis the season to be jolly ..... and I take a deep breath ..... and I explain to her ..... that today is two weeks since my policy 'matured' .... and I need to know when I can collect my cheque ..... to which she replies again ...... "I really can't say but I'm seeing here on the system that Catherine is handling this, so I'll see if she can give you an update, what's your number?"
Fa la la ..... la la ..... la la ..... la ...... la ...... I just said OK ..... Thank You (for @#*$%^& nothing) ...... my number is so so so!
So yuh see what goin orn here ...... dis is ah classic Trini run-around!! ...... nobody know nuttin ...... and everybody palmin orf on somebody else!!
...... 3 hours and 30 minutes have passed ...... since I spoke with Nisha ...... and Catherine eh fart on me yet ...... wit ah 'update'!!!
..... an' ah now talk tuh meh fren who workin First Citizens (which is de Bank dat have some kyna connection tuh dis whole CLICO bacchanal) ...... an' she tell meh ...... "Scene gyul - doh hold yuh breath - yuh go dead - cuz it have people waitin over 6 months now fuh dey money from CLICO!"
JAH!!!
Anyway ..... while this saga continues ..... I leave you with two pics ..... jus tuh lighten de vibes lil bit ![]()
Saw dis on de Western Main Road, St. James ...... while goin tuh buy Gyros ..... which by the way ..... seems tuh be de hot new shit now ...... is every two blocks (in Woodbrook and St. James) have ah Gyro stand ..... and wit real Syrians runnin dem too!!
Purchased this (for a friend) on Saturday at Sports and Games, Long Circular Mall ......
Crocs (a.k.a. VINYL 'SIPPER') have tuh be most ugliest footwear dey ever invent ...... it so big and obzockee ...... ah could really picture some drunkard 'Sippin' from it fuh tru .....
Oh gosh ...... thanks fuh de good vibes people!
I dey ...... poke-ah-poke no beef ...... wit not one arse tuh do whole day ...... but cock-up meh foot an' gape ....... so of course ..... in de course ...... of day 3 ...... of recovery ..... ah pick up ah papers ...... an' is only pure idleness make meh turn orn meh scanner ....... an' scan dem ting below ...... an' is not like ah get back meh internet eh ...... Nooooooo ...... de same idleness make meh leave meh house tuh go use fren own! ![]()
Now I doh know if is me ...... or if classified ads have some kinda special codin or wordin ...... cuz 9 outta 10 times ...... I does doh understand half ah dem .......
..... like dis one ...... HELL YEAH! ...... I WILL stuff 1,000 "envelops" fuh $15,000!!! ..... only thing is ..... I doh know what de heck ah 'stamp envelop' is ......
...... but is no scene ....... cuz look more ads sayin de same shit ...... so now I can choose ...... tuh send/rush my "self-address" stamped "enevelops" ........ to P.O. Box 78 ....... or to D. Joseph ..... or to K. Kumar .......
OK ...... this whole ad have me confused ....... CASH DAILY AND ON THE WEEKEND??? ...... what is the difference ...... isn't DAILY ..... every day ...... as in Sun - Mon ....... including the weekend?! ....... and what is a "Catholog" ...... a Catholic Catalogue?
What de arse you could be doin ...... HOME ...... wit NO EXPERIENCE ...... dat payin US$3,000 ....... I need tuh know ...... cuz I qualify!!
WHAT IF this ad made sense ....... what would it really be sayin???
Hmmmm ..... dis whole ad weird ..... startin wit de "Calling Female Deportee" ....... like if is only one deportee dey callin .......
Butt Cream????
WOW ...... can't pass this up peeps ...... what better way tuh acquire a 42 inch Flat Screen TV?! ....... dan tuh buy ah house ...... before Dec 31 ...... and voilĂ ...... FREE TV!
By the way ...... who exactly is "them" ....... in "Get them the Ultimate Gift this year"???
So de Express asked these kids their views on Santa ...... some say dat dey doh believe ...... and some say dey believe and want dolly and Play Station an' ting ...... but check out Shakem Paul's picture ....... and his response ........ LOL ...... PRICELESS!
I recommend dat his parents call the number below ....... the boy's got expression! 



