Save our Souls Lord ....
Dear LORD ..... according to a Minister named DICK ..... who opened her mouth two days ago ..... and had ALL doubt removed ..... we the people of Trinidad and Tobago have done wrong ..... and we should be ashamed ..... she say Calder Hart is a human being ..... an' how we treat him so badly ..... she say we HOUND him down in ah kyna lynch mob way ..... she say ah man innocent til proven guilty ..... well ...... she didn't actually say those words ...... but da'is what she was tryin tuh say ...... den she say ..... dat all de setta Hart-basin dat went orn .... "Hurt the soul of the Nation" ..... an' like she feel lil shame when de nation so blatantly celebrated his eventual resignation ..... an' what was real gettin me LORD ...... is dat in spite of everyting dat dis man do ..... she was soundin like we shoulda jus turn de odda cheek ..... and let de man slap we dey too!! ..... LORD ..... I pray that you guide that woman ...... show her the light ..... and forgive her ....... for she know not what she do (or say)!!!
LORD ...... also ..... we pray that there be more people like the COP ...... who gettin threaten with lawsuit an' ting ..... so dat dey too may conduct their own investigations ....... and hopefully uncover more shit ..... so dat even when de CoP lapsin ...... an can't somehow manage tuh uncover de same shit ..... at least somebody doin it ...... and somebody gonna still end up gettin busted!!
LORD ..... we pray for the real hounds of the nation ..... those hardworking unsung heroes! ...... we pray that there be more pompeks like Buffy ...... who no matter what ..... will continue tuh bark until de Pohlice decide tuh take dem orn ..... we prayer that even human beings too ..... will begin BARKING in de fight against crime!
LORD ..... we pray for Martin Joseph ...... our Minister of Crime ..... oooops what ah sayin .... ah mean Minister of National Security ....... we pray that one day ...... even HE go believe de shit he does be talkin ...... cuz steups ...... look at his facial expression ..... is that the look of a confident man!!!
LORD .... we are baffled as tuh why this was in the news yesterday ..... we pray that you would protect us from any more articles about this Flag!
LORD ..... we pray that that is a typo ...... an' is not dat CHUTNEY tryin tuh go JAZZ now ..... cuz WTH is Chutney Jazz???!!!
LORD ..... we pray for the MEN who conducted this study/research ...... cuz without them ..... such very vital information woulda been still unknown!!!
LORD ..... we seek your guidance on this one ...... a Cheer Workshop!!!????
and LORD ...... we pray for Rebecca's safe return to her family!
Carnival Love??!!
...... ah jus logon quick ..... tuh post dat notice (dat ah see in today's papers) ..... and tuh help-out Lady ...... cuz Grrrrrrrr??? ....... Carnival Love??!!
There's no such creature Lady!!!
How LOST does one have tuh be ..... tuh tink dat dey found CARNIVAL LOVE ..... an' wit ah man who does sell DVDs??!!
A man sellin DVDs is like ah bandit ..... he doin wrong!!! ..... he piratin people ting!!! ..... he makin ah livin yes ...... but he could most likely end up in jail ...... den on top ah dat ..... if he sellin DVDs fuh ah living ..... he probably doh even have internet ...... how he gonna email yuh ..... and talkin about email ...... ah couldn't help but notice de irony of de one you rockin ...... KEGGS GALORE ...... cuz I really feel dat is kegs galore dat you was drinkin ..... tuh tink dat yuh find Carnival Love ..... and den LOST it!!
Anyway Lady ..... I am a lover of LOVE ...... so ah go help yuh out ......
.... dat man yuh lookin for .... he can be found ANYWHERE in Port of Spain (on any pavement) .... or on de Western Main Road at night ..... so good luck ...... and remember ..... 'THE LAST SHALL BE THE FIRST AND THE FIRST SHALL BE THE LAST'??!!
Scene is out!
So what's new .....
- Been on my computer much lately ..... so my right arm is acting up again ..... hence the long delays in posting ..... I need tuh get off (dis computer) and take a rest ......
- My camera is driving me nuts ..... cuz now that I've learnt how tuh post videos ..... I just discovered ..... dat de audio eh all dat ..... yuh cyah hear shit on anyting I record!!!
- Found out yesterday ...... dat TSTT is now charging $5 for a reprint of a phone bill ..... WTF? ..... I never got de original in de first place!!!
- In a fit of boredom ...... ah went tuh see Valentine's Day ..... and I cried ...... it was such a nice movie ..... and EVERYBODY in it ..... is ah star ..... it eh have no plebs .....
- Clearly Mummy Dove reads my blog ..... cuz she came back about two days after I wrote about her ..... however ...... the lone egg is now on the opposite side of the nest ...... with a hole in it ...... and Mummy Dove is MIA again ..... and Baby Dove is non-existent!
- Crime still payin apparently ....
- Kamla is the first female Opposition Leader to be appointed ....... you go girl!!
- Basdeo is now sitting on de back bench in Parliament ...... who cares!
- PM Manning has reached a new level of disgusting with his church bamboozlement .....
- We lose de cricket on Sunday (TnT vs Zimbabwe) ..... OK OK ..... so dat eh new!
- Toyota have Customer Appreciation Discount dis month (and last month too) ...... yes ...... ah whole 20% off parts and service ..... someting I never experience before in my 5 years of drivin ah Toyota ...... yuh see what ah lil RECALL could do!!!
Anyway ..... as ah say ..... meh arm zorcin ...... an' ah cyah really type too much ..... so fuh now ..... ah go leave yuh with some newspaper foolishness ..... which by de way ..... eh nuttin NEW!
STEUPS ..... it eh have NO thrill ..... dat lasting only 10 minutes ...... dat could get my $200!!!
What dem really lookin for ...... ah Maid ....... or ah Woman ....... cuz what de heck is ah 'Maid Companion' ...... an' why de nex one hadda be 'YOUNG ATTRACTIVE'???
Grrrrrr??? ..... in Trinidad??? .... anyway Mr and Miss ..... if yuh plannin tuh go tuh de screenin ..... remember tuh brush up on yuh ..... "playin hide and seek wit trees while singing love songs" skills!!! ..... cuz that's sure tuh come up in de audition!
...... and then what ..... do I get your 'make thousands weekly' magic powers over the phone .....
First tuh begin ...... 'WE GIVES CERTIFICATE' ...... suggests tuh me ..... that the writer of this ad ...... was NOT given a certificate in English ..... and second tuh continue ..... 'CERTIFIED TELEMARKETERS' ..... suggests tuh me ..... dat yuh could actually become 'certified' in dat shit ..... but really an' truly ...... what is this ad about ..... anybody? ...... anybody? 
Who need dis shit ..... when we have de STAMINA MAN ...... Trevor Sayers ...... on top ah dat ..... de Chinese already have dat LITTLE stigma when it comes tuh sex ..... so would anybody really trust their sex herbs ...... btw ...... what is female impotence?
Yuh ever hear dat dotish ad on de radio ...... where de gyul does say "so you don't have tuh be at a LOST" ...... well guess what ..... right now ..... dat ad have me ..... AT A LOST ...... cuz what de heck is Dinner Plated ..... is that like something coated with Dinner ..... and what is Black/White Cutleries? ...... is Cutleries even a word?
I said, a hip hop the hippie the hippie
To the hip hip hop, a you don't stop
The rock it to the bang, bang boogie
Say up jumped the boogie
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat ...
"If you can't afford us, well don't call us - Only for the elite and important" ...... HELLO .... in Trini ..... if yuh ELITE and IMPORTANT ...... yuh could get ah @#$%& FUH FREE!!!
Why 26 bwoy ..... is 26 the legal punch makin age ...... an' why yuh hadda be HONEST tuh make punch ..... wha ..... yuh go cheat on de milk ..... and LOL ...... MUST NEED A JOB AND NOT WANT! ...... love it!! 
Wait a minute ..... someone paid for an ad ...... tuh give away chicken manure FREE ...... sounds like dey really lookin fuh ah FREE chicken coop cleanout! ..... which brings me tuh another point ...... how many chickens ....... you hadda have ...... tuh be able tuh gather up enough chicken shit ...... tuh be able tuh put out an ad ..... tuh give it way free??!!! ..... da'is rel chicken shit bwoy!
Steups ..... I smell ah PLACEBO!! ...... this ad woulda been more effective on ..... persons born yesterday ...... or those who went tuh school in August ...... not ones who could actually read ah papers!
OMG ..... this is so true ..... I think I'll call when ah done pick up meh chicken shit ..... cuz yeah ..... who else would you want to talk to ..... if you knew that ...... tomorrow may never come!???
What de heck is dis ...... yuh could SCRUB away yuh age now????
OK ..... clearly Woodzy was a lil woozy ..... when he was writin dis ad ....... cuz HELLO ....... ages 4??? (learn to ride Motorcycle) ..... to 99 ...... an' wha happen tuh peeps over 99???
WOW ...... PH ads still runnin??? ...... even tho Mr. Colm Imbert come an' say dat PH Drivers could now be fined $8000!
A A ..... remember Phatty Poonks (from meh last Trini Classifieds post) ..... well look she in Tobago dis week! ...... ahhhppppps Tobago goin' an' get it nice!!
PANDIT ..... PUNDIT ..... PUNDITH ...... are those like different levels of Punditry?
What a name ...... an' is real role-players dey need bwoy!
LOL ..... down tuh de burglar proof an' all sellin!!!
Did this ad end up in de wrong century ...... who does use typewriters anymore ...... worse again ah manual one?!
Lawd .... the irony of doing someting tuh beautify yuhself ..... but then going out in public while still "in transit" ......
LOL .... first time ah ever hear dis excuse ..... de man say ..... he buy in bulk one time ..... tuh avoid de risk of gettin ketch every minute!
EH ..... first time ah ever see someting like dis ..... gangsters surrenderin!!
WOW ..... another first ...... Westmoorings AND Goodwood Park ...... make ah jail!!!
LOL .... Trini Pohlice again ..... dey give people traffic ticket ..... an' dey eh put no name or car number on de ticket ..... 
Oh gorm ...... FUH REAL ...... dah heat killin we!!
Duh ...... wit a slogan like ...... JUST DO IT ...... of course NIKE would say is OK fuh Tiger tuh take ah BREAK!
I realise ...... real people doh know when tuh use ...... LOSE ...... and LOOSE ..... cuz de amount ah times I does see LOOSE ..... when is really LOSE dey want tuh say ..... 
Ah wonder if WASA know bout dis?
Oh gorm Guardian ...... two typos ...... one bad enough!!!
EH???? ...... Question Mark???? ..... where dat come from???
What is a Menopause Test ..... does it tell you that you have The Menopause ...... cuz I thought you'd pretty much know when it arrives!
OK ..... this is another confusing ad ...... what is Passport Training? ...... I mean like why is a private company advertising Passport Training .... don't you learn dat shit when yuh workin in de Passport Office??
Come on Pizza Hut .... is WHET ...... not Wet!
At Playdium ..... where ADMISSONED is absolutely Free Free Free ...... you get to experience mind blowing games NEVER seen elsewhere ..... like BOWLING??? ..... didn't we use tuh have bowling in South once?!
Could they have worded this NOTICE any clumsier?!
I so have Zero tuh say about this ..... just go out ..... and buy yuh Hardcover ...... or yuh Paperback ...... and learn all about how Jack went from Zero ..... to Hero! ...... altho ....... de book I really want tuh get ..... is de one on how he went from Zero ...... tuh Zillionaire!
Wha ..... West Bees have shopping ISLES?? 
What is a "Trini" Shower Mixer? ...... steups ...... de ad was goin good ...... until dey put eeeeen dat "Trini" in it!
Grrrrrrrrr????
Ah wonder if dis could work fuh some of de human animals dat runnin ah mock out dere?!
NUFF SAID!!!
Unsolved Mysteries ....
So ...... as was reported in Saturday's Newsday ...... three persons (2 men and 1 woman) ...... were held by Police ...... on suspicion of tryin tuh enter de Beyonce concert ..... wit tickets dat was stolen from Brian Lara ......
The three suspects were released on February 19 (de day after de concert) ...... after Lara himself confirmed that the tickets were not from the batch stolen from his house .......
MYSTERY NO. 1: Was there any kinda redress after de error was discovered ...... like did they get a refund or an apology or sumtin ...... cuz fuh starters ...... they were wrongly detained ...... which caused them tuh miss out on a 'once in a lifetime' show??!! ..... and how could such a mix-up happen anyway ...... didn't the Police have the stolen ticket numbers??!!
Water scarce ..... and WASA keep tellin us what tuh do wit de water ..... what not tuh do wit de water ...... how tuh wash wit de water ...... how tuh bathe wit de water ...... an' how tuh use we ole laundry water tuh water we plants ...... which is all well and good ..... cuz really an' truly ..... it eh rain fuh months ...... and water muzbe really scarce!
MYSTERY NO. 2: If it is water so damn scarce ....... den why de arse WASA not bendin over backwards ..... tuh go an' fix all ah dem bloody leaks dat it have all over de country!!??
Jan 1 .... one egg ....
Jan 5 ..... two eggs .....
Today ..... Feb 22 ...... one egg???
In March 2009 ...... a yellow breast built a nest in the dead plant that I keep on my porch ..... and tho I was excited about it ...... I was even more excited last month ...... to see yet another nest ....... cuz this was the open kinda nest ....... not de close-up kind dat de yellow breast had built ..... so it was easier tuh maco de bird and de eggs and de chicks .......
But ..... after first noticing one egg around January 1 ..... by January 5 ..... there were 2 ..... and this time ...... the bird was ...... a dove ...... now unlike the yellow breast ...... this dove was not havin me take no pictures of her ...... cuz every time I tried she'd fly away ..... and I don't know if she just got fed-up ..... cuz one day ..... I realised that she just wasn't there anymore ..... like at no time ..... anyway ...... long story short ....... today when ah went tuh check de nest ...... ah see only ONE egg!!!!
MYSTERY NO. 3: Where is mummy dove? ..... and where is the second egg? ...... is not like de chicky hatch and gorn ...... cuz there is absolutely no evidence that another egg was there ..... can birds just pick up dey egg and go ..... or was mummy bird and egg kidnapped ..... if you have any info ..... please .... call Crime Stoppers now!!!
Dat area dat ah circle off above ...... is de area below ..... take note ..... cuz is one of de mysteries!
I live in an apartment .... and dat is where we dump our garbage ..... and it's been so fuh umpteen years .... but ..... all of ah sudden .... in de year 2010 ..... de ting change!!! ...... apparently ...... de Garbage Men went and complain tuh dey Boss (de Regional Corporation I think) ..... dat de dump does be too dutty ..... and dey fraid dey get bite by rat an' ting .... so .... dey Boss ..... and our Board ..... came up wit de bright idea ....... tuh permanently cover dong and lock off 3 of de gates ..... put padlocks on two of de ventilated ones ....... and permanently seal off the other two (ventilated gates) ...... so in other words ...... where yuh used tuh be able tuh trow ah whole bed an' ah fridge an' ah stove .... yuh could only trow lil garbage bags now ......
Now really an' truly ..... is nearly de whole street used tuh trow dey garbage in dat ting eh ..... and sometimes de ting really used tuh be overflowin wit stink ...... but now ..... wit de new lockdown arrangement ...... it real clean and tidy ...... cuz is only de residents of the apartments accessin it ...... so is like half de amount ah garbage trowin in it now!!
MYSTERY NO. 4: So yuh accustom trowin yuh garbage in we apartments garbage dump ..... den one day yuh get lock-off ..... accompanied by 10 signs ...... not 1 eh ..... 10!! ...... saying all sorts of various things ....... one of which is BUSH ONLY ..... and I'm thinking ...... perhaps 3 more signs would have done the job ...... cuz what idiot ..... went and dump dey garbage right under de BUSH ONLY sign?! ..... fuh dog and rat tuh attack?!
About two weeks ago ...... ah drag mehself tuh de grocery ..... an' ah say drag ..... because I absolutely HATE tuh go tuh de grocery ..... but ...... lucky fuh me ...... dat same day ..... ah was hangin wit ah fren ...... an' when he see how distress ah was ..... at the thought of going grocery shopping ..... he tell meh he will go wit meh ...... which was real cool ...... cuz misery always love company
Anyway ..... so we in de grocery shoppin away ...... when ah realise dat he missin ....... minutes later ah eventually find him by de Freezers ...... now dat is one area of de grocery dat I doh ever go ...... cuz dem Freezers does have too much shit tuh bun yuh eye ...... and so said ....... so done ...... I see him lookin at de Hot Pockets ..... an' de mini pizzas ...... and den he end up on Healthy Choice ....... cuz at de time ...... I guess he felt that that was de SMART CHOICE ...... an' yuh know me ..... I doh cook ...... so ah take de chain up ..... an' ah pick up ah Healthy Choice too ..... de Roasted Beef Merlot Cafe Steamer ...... cuz look at dat pic ..... yuh cyah go wrong ..... YUM!!!
So we reach back home now ..... an' ah packin away everyting ...... when de bill surface ...... well I nearly dead ...... ah get ah instant headache ....... an' ah instant deja vu ...... cuz it was jus like de time ..... when ah had buy de VIP Charmin Toilet Paper ....... cuz look at how much dat small-ass box ah food was ...... $33.45!!!! ...... fuh dat same $33.45 I coulda get a real big box ah food by Fu Qiang ..... dat woulda last meh about two days too ...... Jah! ...... I eh playin I does shop dotish nah ..... cuz clearly ah doh learn ..... I am always doin sumtin stupid in the grocery ...... anyway ...... at dat price ..... dat shit was not eatin too soon ..... I put it in de Freezer ....... tuh preserve fuh ah while ...... at least about 33 days (and 45 hours) ......
A A .... so ah good 15 days eh even pass yet .... when fren see de box still in meh Freezer .... an' start tuh give meh prayers about how it will expire blah, blah, blah ...... so ah tell him take it ...... cuz after spendin so much money on dat ting ...... ah really couldn't eat it ...... so happy like pappy ...... he immediately take it out de Freezer ...... and warm it up tuh chow dong ...... well ah nearly dead again ....... cuz ah know de box was small ....... but HELLO ...... look at what was in dat box ....... 3 beef squares ..... 9 potato cubes ...... 6 baby carrot ...... and 4 string beans cut in half ....... fuh real!!!! ...... oh and some gravy!!!! ...... and on top ah dat ...... he say dat it eh even taste too good either!! ...... lesson learnt fuh sure dis time tho ..... Healthy Choice was definitely not a Healthy Choice ....... never me again!!!
MYSTERY NO. 5: Since dat is only about $8 worth of food ...... where pray tell is de $25.45 portion that is so beautifully displayed on the box??!!
PS: Mystery No. 6 ...... why were patrons so angry at the BAD SERVICE meted out tuh dem at dat Beyonce concert ...... like as tho TSTT known fuh anyting else but BAD SERVICE!!!
IT DONE .... tank de Lord!
Now is only Beyonce tuh do de same!!!
I jus realise today ..... dat is ah whole 10 days dat I eh say nuttin ..... and de reason fuh dat ...... is ....... ah didn't really have nuttin tuh say ......
After Ladies First and Pan ..... dat was kinda it fuh me ...... cuz Ticketmaster had get de link fuh Misty Ridge ..... but ah couldn't make it ...... cuz ah had tuh go check out another fren in his Tent debut ...... an' is ah good ting ah eh reach Misty Ridge ...... cuz ah hear dem tief an' dem had ah time wit people car ...... an' yuh know me an' my car!! ...... den ..... after dat was Carnival week ...... an' ah nearly reach Eyes Wide Shut ...... but fren change she mind ..... and blank meh an' went wit she man instead ...... den Carnival Wednesday always free fuh me ..... cuz I does want tuh be fresh fuh Beach House on Thursday ..... but dis year was SALT fuh Beach House ...... den Friday Ticketmaster try tuh chain meh up tuh go Soca Monarch ...... an' ah tell she EH EH ...... I went Soca Monarch once ...... and dat was enuff fuh me ..... it was de year when Bunji was suppose tuh look like he comin onto de stage ...... from some rope or cord or some shit in de sky ..... and de (stunt)man on de cord who was supposedly Bunji ....... STICK IN MID SLIDE ....... so of course de real Bunji jus end up comin on de stage via de steps (like everybody else! *SIGH*) ...... while hanging (stunt man)Bunji was stuck awaiting assistance tuh get down ..... LOL ..... dat was real kix!!!
But ...... altho ah didn't care tuh be there ..... ah still end up watchin de Soca Monarch on TV ...... which I turned off at about 2:50 am immediately after JW and Blaze ..... cuz Lawd ...... meh brain jus couldn't take no more ...... how Trinis could feel proud of Soca Monarch ...... I jus doh know!! ....... cuz dat ting is so much crap ...... I does feel so shame when dey invite all kyna foreign 'stars' tuh come and give dey two cents on performances ..... and when dey keep referrin tuh it as de INTERNATIONAL Soca Monarch ...... and when dey keep emphasizin dat it being seen around de world ...... cuz 90% of dat shit eh my culture ...... is jus shit!!! ...... you see dat 'Transformer' Faye-Ann come on wit ...... my fren 8 year old could build ah better car dan dat ....... and Shurwayne wit de fat woman who sit dong on him and MURDAH him ...... and geeeeeezan rice ...... what was dat bess village skit dat Shal and Screws put orn ...... Denise Belfon wuzen shame ....... and Oh Lawd talkin about Shal and Screws ...... de irony of singin ah song bout POHLICE wantin tuh lock up people in de party ....... an' Screws gettin LOCK UP mere days later ...... yes ...... my boy get ketch wit ah small quantity of ganja ..... and plead GUILTY in Court today ..... but anyway ah strayin ......
So yes ...... as ah was sayin ...... my Carnival ended on Sunday ..... wit Lara fete ..... which was cool as it always is ...... altho this year ..... was ah lil vibesless ...... and I doh know if is de Machel factor ..... or de Destra factor .....
Cuz fuh me ....... de WHOLE CARNIVAL SEASON was vibesless ...... nothing was particularly HYPE ...... everywhere I end up dis year ..... was real mellow ...... down tuh de day itself ...... cuz ah went eeeeen town yesterday ...... Ariapita Avenue ..... an' ah see only ONE band ..... Spice ...... yes ...... after dem was NOBODY ....... I lime in dat hot sun fuh about 2 hours ..... and all I see was Spice ..... oh ...... and some kinda sailor band ..... but dat was it ...... punto final!
By about 5:00 pm ..... Carnival was over fuh me ...... I was back home ..... wit a shower under meh belt ..... food in meh belly ...... and de TV runnin with live Carnival coverage .....
And now it's back to real life .... which fuh me .... was tryin all day ... tuh find ah Maintenance Free battery for my very dead car .... yes .... could you believe ...... nobody had Maintenance Free battery ...... all ah dem only had de 'add water every 3 months' ones ..... so I have to go hunting again tomorrow ...... cuz at 3:45 pm ...... after callin just about everybody ...... I finally found one at MasterServ ..... and they were closing at 4:00 pm ...... and I was in POS ..... so is no way I was makin dat .....
Tomorrow is another day yes ..... I leave you with these ......
What was really going orn wit Carnival BREASTS this year ....... cuz first ..... ah see dis article in yesterday's Newsday ......
Then while dreeevayin on Ariapita Avenue ...... yesterday too ..... I see dat ...... up close and personal ...... in de band SPICE!
Then in today's Newsday now ..... ah see dis ....... which I actually appreciated ...... cuz without dem bare breasts ..... I woulda swear dat dat is ah man!!!!
Den ...... where exactly did Dwayne Bravo get injure ..... like which part of he body?! ...... like isn't he suppose tuh be playin cricket somewhere?!! ..... wit dat same 'injured' body dat he usin tuh play mas?! ....... ahhhhhhh ..... clearly NOTHING gets between ah man and his mas (and mas women) ..... not even Cricket!!!!
Saw these on Murray Street yesterday ....... ah love tuh see POHLICE on horse!
Oh ..... and just one street away from dem same POHLICE on horse ..... saw dat ...... yep ...... PIRATE CDs of all yuh favourite artistes ..... tuh take back tuh foreign!
Dat is de Sailor mas ah was talkin about ..... de only odda mas dat ah see on Ariapita Avenue ..... other than Spice ......
and look ....... is de BLIMP ....... yes ...... even de BLIMP "come out tuh party" yesterday ....... and was occasionally joined by his loud, annoying friends ....... HELICOPTERS!!!
Da'is Rocky singin LIVE ..... someting we doh see in Carnival anymore i.e. Soca Artistes jumpin on truck tuh sing song!
.... an' oh gorm ..... ah save de bess fuh lass ..... cuz I jus love Yoko ....... she eh give two arse ...... she playin she own mas ...... cuz I am almost 100% certain ..... that that is NOT a Carnival Costume ...... and just one of Yoko's usual getups ......
PS: .... hmmmm ..... ah wonder if ah win dat $5,000,000 LOTTO dat draw tonight?!
This is a test ....
So I just went out on my porch ...... recorded a lot of nothing ..... and I'm now gonna post it ..... tuh see if it works .......
If it doh work ..... I'll probably delete dis post and try again ..... so bear wit meh fuh de hour!
UPDATE
YAY!!! ..... it works!!!
It's my birthday (AGAIN!) ....
Well ..... yesterday ah see one ..... dat ketch meh eye ..... and meh imagination ..... cuz one time I start tuh tink up all kyna ting dat I could SELL ..... tuh make ah lil change fuh de (guava) season .....
So today now ..... ah cut out de ad ...... an' ah scan it ...... tuh email tuh fellow poor friends ..... but before doin dat ...... ah ketch ah vaps outta pure anxiousness at de prospect of makin money ..... an' ah decide tuh call first ...... yes people ...... yuh read rite ...... fuh de first time ever ...... in de history of me crappin on ads ..... I actually dialed the number ..... which took a lot out of my dialing finger ..... cuz is Bmobile tuh Digicel!!
Anyway ..... so I dial de number ..... and in two-twos a female voice answers ..... so I indicate that I'm calling in connection with the ad ..... and that I'd like to get some more info blah, blah, blah ..... and after a very nice 10 minute conversation .... I concluded that altho she buyin ting like NAIL and ELEPHANT ..... that this was not one tuh crap on ...... but one tuh big-up ...... cuz at de end of de day ..... any which way de ting go ...... is a win/win situation ..... cuz this is what I found out:
- The business .... which I believe is called The Translation Team ...... is run by a female Trini/Venezuelan ..... and is located in Curepe .....
- Their mission is really to provide for people in need ...... by selling them things (dirt cheap) that YOU no longer need ...... therefore all items MUST BE USABLE and in good condition i.e. doh take no shit fuh dem tuh sell!
- The items are accepted on consignment i.e. yuh will get yuh money when de ting sell!
- You set the price of your item ....
- They keep the item for 15 days ...... and if it sells within the 15 days ..... you are invited to collect your CASH ....
- If, however, the item is not sold by the 15th day ...... they would recommend a price reduction .....
- If you reduce the price ..... and de item still eh sell within ah next 15 days ...... dey will give yuh ah bligh and keep it fuh ah final 15 days ..... in other words ..... dey eh keepin yuh shit more dan 45 days!!
- So ...... if day 45 reach ..... an' yuh shit still dey ....... den dat means yuh muzbe give dem REAL SHIT tuh sell!!! ..... LOL just kidding ..... what that really means is that ..... yuh either take back yuh item ..... or yuh leave it wit dem tuh donate tuh some charity ......
- In terms of getting items to them ..... they operate by appointment only .....
- If you have big-ass items tuh get tuh dem ..... they can provide transport ..... which is paid for from sale of the item ..... however ..... if de item eh sell ..... den ah guess yuh go jus hadda pay-up .....
- Once they receive new items ...... they advise their customers via de internet ..... I'm guessing via email (how their customers could afford internet but dey cyah afford clothes an' ting, I doh know!)
- If you want to be a 'customer' (as opposed to being a seller) it's as simple as providing them with your contact info etc.
Right ...... so I've done a good deed fuh de day (I think) ...... leh we get serious now ......
What it is lately wit those two million dollar words ....... MILLION DOLLARS?!
Cuz ah see Rowley get ONE MILLION ...... last week Laundry get swindle a few MILLION ....... den on Tuesday apparently dey tief Lara ONE MILLION!!!
Now what I want tuh know is dis ...... why de arse it is Brian Lara have ah MILLION dollars CASH in his house ...... you want tuh tell me ...... he couldn't find SOMEBODY tuh take dat cash tuh de Bank fuh him ...... de Bank does close quite 6:00 ...... I mean ..... who in dey rite mind go hoard ah MILLION dollars in dey house ...... dat ting coulda be earnin ah cool interest ...... an' I doh even know what ah MILLION dollars cash does look like ..... but obviously somebody in de house did ..... and it eh hard tuh imagine ...... dat de stacks of bundles was probably bunnin dey eye ..... and where exactly was de money ...... in de Safe ...... cuz HELLO ..... if da'is where it was ..... den Jah ..... not even ah SAFE an' all safe!!!
Anyway ..... ah hope de Police recover all his shit yes ..... money and tickets ...... cuz nobody likes tuh lose ah MILLION DOLLARS ..... and nobody wants tuh party wit Beyonce and 40 VVIP bandits!
And on another pack ah crap ...... who is de idiot ...... who give some odda idiot ..... de permission and licences and whatever else yuh does need ...... tuh trow ah dotish WET FETE ....... when we scruntin fuh water ..... and prayin fuh ah lil rain ...... and only hearin an' seein ah setta crap bout CONSERVE WATER ..... doh wash yuh car wit hose ..... yuh go get fine ...... doh waste water ...... doh water yuh plants ...... doh leave de tap runnin when yuh brushin yuh teet ...... pass on yuh bath water if yuh wasn't too dirty ..... and misc odda shit ...... EH? ...... what water it is dem goin an' use fuh dey WET FETE????
Look at dis shit ..... Page 16 of de Express ...... WET AND WILD ..... CARNIVAL FOAM AND WET PARTY ..... Feb 7!!!
Steups ...... and just two pages later ...... Page 18 of de same Express ..... tellin we tuh doh leave we tap runnin blah, blah, blah!!!!!
PS: Wheeeey ...... I am two years old today ...... can't believe a whole other year has gone by ...... BIG UP tuh all of y'all who dropped by ...... and even subscribed 
Party, Party an' more Party (aka Pan) ...
WITCO ONE FETE (All Inclusive)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I doh even know why I botherin tuh include dis party in dis post ...... cuz dis party happen since last month .......
Fren (aka Ticketmaster) who does get de link fuh everyting ..... text meh on Saturday morning self ...... at 8:00 am ...... tuh say dat we eeeeeen ...... how she do dat ..... I doh know ....... anyway ...... dis is ah party she woulda try extra hard wit ....... cuz she does feel ..... dat because ONE is ah party ...... dat does trow around de same time as my birthday ...... is ah party ...... dat I must go to ...... so this year was year number 2 fuh me ....... an' I eh sure if it go have ah year number 3 ..... no vibes!!!
De party was in de Oval ...... and surprisingly ..... dey organise COMPLIMENTARY parking in King George V ...... so tings start off nice ..... ah reach down about 7:30 pm ...... which in de scheme of tings ..... is kyna late fuh ah all-inclusive ....... de place was very nicely decorated in red and white ..... wit ah big-ass sign at de entrance sayin ...... DE MINISTRY OF HEALTH SAY SMOKIN IS BAD FUH YUH HEALTH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ...... anyway ...... so as we reach inside de party now ....... phototakeouters start tuh jumbie we ..... so we pause fuh de cause ...... but den after all de flash ...... I realise like we still posin ..... only tuh find out dat we actually waiting on somebody else tuh reach ...... and mind you ...... de posse was already 6 strong!
We end up ...... standin up ...... by de entrance ...... fuh about half hour ...... jus posin ..... no drink in hand ...... no food in mout ..... no smokes in sight!!!
So de last two stragglers of de crew finally reach ...... and everybody decide dat dey want tuh eat first ...... so was off tuh de food section ...... and I must say ..... there was a very wide selection ...... doh really remember exactly what tho ...... ah jus know ...... it had real tent wit food ...... I had the chicken kebabs ..... crab and shrimp and dumpling ..... and geera pork ...... an' oh gorm ..... when ah tell yuh it was delish ...... I coulda stuff my belly whole nite ..... and I am not a person who does eat in party eh ...... is only because ah had nuttin better tuh do while everybody else was eatin ..... dat ah decide tuh try a few tings ...... which was a good decision ...... cuz it turns out ...... the free parking ....... and the scrumptious food ....... were the only two highlights of my ONE Fete 2010 experience ......
De party had real people ...... and at $750 ah ticket ..... I doh know how all dem people coulda afford dat ...... economic crisis or not ...... Beyonce or not ...... apparently Carnival will go on!! ...... and altho plenty people was there ...... yuh coulda still walk around and gape an' ting ..... it wasn't too jam session-ish ...... however ...... de bar needed help ..... I say maybe dey was tryin tuh help out people ..... wit dah whole breathalyzer scene ..... cuz drinks was takin real long tuh leave de bar ..... and reach in yuh hand!!!
Then there were the bands ...... about three ...... Dil-E-Nadan (I think) ...... who sing some real long time soca (*yawn*) ...... den ah tink Kes was next ...... wit his usual striptease act ...... which was overshadowed by performances by ..... Shal Marshall and Sidekick ...... and JW and Blaze ...... who by the way ..... seem tuh be de only artistes who actually livenin up party ..... oh .... ah tink Talparee sing wit dem too ...... or maybe he sang wit Faye-Ann and Bunji (*yawn*) ...... who were overshadowed too ....... by her dad ..... yeah ...... cuz all I remember from their session ...... is Super Blue gracing us with his presence ...... an' singin song like Ethel an' ting ....... we leave de party before dey done ........ cuz is not like we just had tuh stay til de end of their 'scintillating' performance ....... bands so doh phase me in ah party eh ......
Until ah went .......
LADIES FIRST
Friday, January 29, 2010
Ladies First is not a party dat I does run down ...... cuz it is generally ah dotish lil chirren party ..... de only reason I been goin tuh Ladies First ...... is because it FREE .......
And when ah say FREE ..... ah mean yuh have tuh be one of de 'lucky' 2,000 ladies ...... tuh actually get de FREE ticket ..... den yuh have tuh reach de party before 10:30 pm ...... tuh get eeeeeen FREE! ....... steups ..... is jus too much shit!!!
Anyway ...... so wit free tickets sourced (by Ticketmaster) ...... we plan dat we leavin home about 9:00 pm ...... in order tuh reach down in good time ..... tuh avail of de 'before 10:30 pm' freeness ...... so at 8:43 pm ...... I call fren jus tuh firm up arrangements ..... only tuh find out dat she done leave home ahready tuh go meet de ress ah dem ...... yikes!!!! ...... wit dah one now ....... I fly eeeen de shower and start tuh get ready like ah mad woman ...... cuz was done minutes tuh 9 ...... and de plan was fuh everybody tuh leave dey house by 9:00 pm .....
One hour and 25 minutes later ...... I was now leaving my house ..... yes ...... apparently at 9:00 pm ...... some of de posse was now startin dey makeup ..... so I had tuh wait ...... in my hot house ..... dat eh have no AC ...... fuh ah whole blasted hour and 25 minutes ..... wit MY makeup now sweatin ...... while dem own now goin orn fresh ...... den on top ah dat ...... fren would call me tuh tell me ...... dat dey leavin Cascade jus now ...... so drive out de road in about 5 minutes ........ and wait out de road fuh dem ...... Grrrrrrrr???? ...... needless tuh say ...... ah had was tuh buss two cuss ...... cuz was she out of her mind ...... why would I ..... a female ..... jump in my car ...... drive out tuh de Western Main Road (by Westmoorings) ...... and just sit there ...... in my car ..... by myself ....... in de nite ...... in de dark ...... IN TRINIDAD!!!????
Anyway ...... long story short ...... we reach down Pier 1 late ...... and again had tuh wait ...... cuz of course ..... at dat time ..... we figure ..... is no way we was gettin eeeeeen (FREE) ..... so we end up waitin and walkin eeeeeen wit ah VVVIP (as backup) ..... but turns out ...... dey were still accepting de tickets at minutes tuh 11 ..... but de lil VIP pips was still cool tho ...... cuz da'is exactly where we end up ...... in VIP ..... everybody get ah band slap on de hand!
Now last year ...... fuh me ..... Ladies First was de biggest setta crap ..... but fuh some unknown reason ...... I actually enjoyed it this year ..... maybe it was the VIP pips ..... maybe it was my hottttt little red dress ...... maybe it was de CRAZY ASS BREEZE blowin whole nite ...... dat was assaulting my big hair ..... and my lady-in-red dress ..... remember dat scene from dat movie or whatever ..... where the lady in red was standin over a manhole or sumtin ..... and her dress blow up ..... well HELLO ..... dat was me in Ladies First ..... I never experience wind like dat before in Pier 1 ...... dat was de most windy party I've ever been to in dat venue ..... and altho it kept de place nice an' cool (not hot like it normally is) ...... I was goin real crazy tryin tuh keep dat dress down wit one hand ...... while tryin tuh keep my hair outta my face with my other hand!!!
Anyway .... so as ah say ..... we was in de VIP ..... which was upstairs ..... so yuh coulda see everyting real good ..... from up there .... de party look real ram ..... so I was kinda glad dat I was where de air was rare ..... cuz other than being away from all de tizzickness ..... it was also a good vantage point ..... tuh take eeeeen ..... KARMA ..... the first band fuh de nite ....... and WOW ...... dey coulda easily been de only band ...... cuz they were da bomb ...... after dem ...... I didn't really bound tuh see nobody else ..... Karma real mash up de dance ...... which surprised me ..... cuz I never knew a chutney band could be pleasing to the ears ...... tho a few times we kinda forgot dat we was in ah carnival fete eh ..... cuz dey was singin all kyna odda songs like Black Eye Peas an' ting ...... but lawdy ...... de band was real good ....... as a matter of fact ...... it was my first time seeing them perform ...... and they were actually the first band this year ..... to hold my attention ...... da'is tuh tell yuh how good they were ...... about half hour after dey done perform ...... ah see Ravi B in de VIP ...... and in true groupie style ...... ah tackle him ...... ah tell him "RAVI BOY - ALLYUH IS MY BAND OF DE YEAR BORSE" ...... to which he gave me his signature grin ...... little did I know dat one week later ..... he would be crowned the Chutney Soca Monarch 2010 (Congrats Ravi B!) .......
So yeah ..... dat was Ladies First fuh me ..... after Karma was Kes ..... nothing memorable there ..... and den was Fay-Ann and Bunji .... who bring orn some dude called Swappi or sumtin like dat ...... ah doh really remember de name ...... but whoever he is ...... he MASH UP ...... actually he two winer gyuls mash up ...... if you see dem two gyuls palance ...... de man get about 3 encore ...... JW and Blaze didn't want nuttin wit he!
We leave de party while Faye-Ann and Bunji was on (hmmmm seems tuh be de trend) ....... there were no Police outside ....... no breathalyzer ...... no traffic ...... I was home by 3:30 am ......
PANORAMA SEMIs
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Ahhhhh ..... what can I say about Panorama Semis ....... that I have not already said ......
This year ..... fuh me ....... Panorama was like deja vu ...... wit a touch of peek-a-boo ....... cuz it was like everybody I was suppose tuh meet up wit ...... was hidin!!!
At 2:00 pm ..... on Sunday self ...... Ticketmaster call tuh say dat she eeeeen ..... an' she handle meh ...... so come down ......
Not being no Pan lover ..... I take my cool time ..... and by 4:50 pm I was making my way into the Savannah via de eastern entrance ..... which is ah entrance I never really use before ...... and probably will not use again ..... cuz if you see big drain and canal an' ting ...... yes ...... in de middle of de blasted Savannah ..... is ah good ting ah didn't decide tuh prime up from home ..... cuz I woulda easily end up in one ah dem ting ...... anyway ...... all's well dat ends well ..... cuz after drivin around in phenomenal dust ...... I eventually got a very nice park ...... very near the entrance .....
So as you've probably figured out by now ..... ah went by mehself ...... which is someting I doh like tuh do at all ..... ah will drive by mehself ..... but ah doh like tuh walk eeeeeen ting by mehself tuh look like no poor-me-one ...... so while ah walkin towards de entrance ....... ah text fren tuh say dat ah reach ...... jus so ah wouldn't have tuh fal too long outside ..... cuz yuh know when yuh outside party an' ting ..... it does have real falcons and scalpers ...... but was ah cool scene ...... cuz she reach by de entrance real quick and give meh de ticket real easy ...... so ..... so far ...... everyting was goin smooth ...... next on de agenda ..... was tuh join de long-ass line tuh go eeeeeeen ......
Reach inside now ..... just a few minutes later ..... cuz de line wasn't stickin ..... only tuh realise dat fren is nowhere tuh be seen ....... yes ..... fren like she clean forget me and went she way ..... so ah pull out meh phone now ...... an' ah text her ...... an' ah get some dotish message like MESSAGE NOT SENT or UNABLE TO SEND ...... so den ah try tuh call her ...... an' ah get ....... CALL FAILED ...... steups ....... bmobile was again @#$%^&-up an otherwise good scene ...... anyway ..... so there I was ...... cyah get tru tuh nobody .... walkin around Pan ..... by myself ....... bouncin up all kyna misc people ....... and gettin drinks from said misc people ....... cuz EVERYBODY had ah bar ...... until ah eventually find de UTC tent ..... which is where she was supposed tuh be ...... and which coincidentally was very near the entrance!
Well ..... I stan up dey fuh muzbe ah hour ..... hangin wit ah next fren dat ah bounce up ...... ah was dey so long ...... dat ah even end up doin ah lil small interview wit dem Trinijunglejuice people (shame ah hopin dey delete it cuz by den I had already had two scotch!!) .......
Long and short of dis Pan story is ....... I went Pan ...... I was lost most of the time ..... my cellphone was givin real trouble ..... could not connect with anyone ....... saw people I had not seen since last year ....... never found Ticketmaster ..... spent some time outside (limin wit 5 man I don't know) while waiting on a friend tuh walk around from de Grand Stand side ...... went back inside ..... still eh find Ticketmaster ...... walk around lil bit more ....... drink lil bit more ...... gape lil bit more more ....... LEFT!
Ah get out de Savannah real easy (unlike last year) ...... and again ..... it didn't have no Police nowhere ....... no breathalyzer ....... no traffic ...... I went home ....... bathe off ...... eat ...... and cock up an' watch de Grammys .......
It was as if Michael Jackson had just died ...... ah cry ...... that tribute was just so touching!!!
PS: ...... why de heck do people go Panorama?
Trini Classifieds .... LOL!
So wait ..... yuh gettin ah Mercedes Benz ...... AND ...... a Yacht ...... when yuh buy an apartment or a condo ...... but yuh not gettin ah universal remote ..... tuh bring yuh coffee ..... and take yuh tuh yuh yacht ..... and tuh call de Security ...... Grrrrrrrr???
Ahhh ..... Dr. Trevor Sayers again ..... is like everywhere ah turn ..... ah seein dat name!!! ..... 10 points tuh Dr. Sayers yes ..... he get full marks fuh marketin ...... cuz de man is EVERYWHERE ...... he in de papers ...... he on de TV ..... he on de internet wit website and Facebook and silly Youtube videos an' ting ...... and he even on de road ...... yes ..... my boy have one ah dem paint-up cars (blue) wit dem loudspeakers on top ..... ah see it on Independence Square Saturday gorn .... but ah was too slow wit de camera!
Edible Ladies??? ...... I wonder if they come in different flavours?!
.... and oh ...... look ah even sweeter deal ...... cuz yuh could probably get de same Thick girl ..... AND a Slim girl ...... on special ...... fuh de price of one ...... an' ah sure dey edible too!
STEUPS!!!!!!
...... but if yuh do decide tuh take de chain-up (re: de dotish ad above) ..... an' yuh cyah make while yuh havin yuh fantasies fulfilled ..... yuh could always call dem two odda numbers ..... but wait ...... what exactly it is lastin 3-5 days ...... de erection???!!!
An Air Rifle ad ...... under de ANIMALS section?!
He lookin fuh ah Housekeeper ...... or ah gyul?!
WHAT???? ..... what dey mean BRAND NEW ...... is ah CAR!!!????
...... there's that word again ..... NEW ...... like if dey jus come off de shelf ...... and does Stacy know what de word PALLOR mean????
I have never seen a Carnival Band advertise in the Classifieds!!! ...... African BC??? ..... and what de heck is dat other ad about ..... "my family faith full"??????
OK ..... is it that I'm reading this ad dotish ..... is there such a thing as PEST CONTROL CEILING INSTALLATION ...... or are they two different things ...... and if they are two different things ....... how weird is it ..... that one person or company or whatever ...... offers Pest Control ...... Ceiling Installation ..... AND Real Estate Services??!!
WHAT ..... an ad seeking a PH driver??!!!
LOL ..... no confusion here ..... very self-explanatory .......
WHAT ..... what is the relevance of the word POOR?
People in Trinbago does really hire PIs tuh maco cheating Wives and Husbands??!!
LOL ..... Call Rusty or Dusty ..... if yuh have Rusty or Dusty steel scrap .... cute!
WHAT ..... ah million dollars upwards?! ...... altho ..... dat might not be such a bad investment after all ...... cuz 'security' is probably one of the more lucrative businesses in Trinbago right now ..... second only tuh funeral homes!
This is hilarious ..... I can't believe someone put out an ad lookin fuh a Minute Maid Cap with the letter M .....
PS: ..... spell MINI ..... and win one .....
Road March 2010 .... STAMINA MAN!
I watchin Friday Night Live on Synergy TV ..... when time fuh ads reach ...... and LAWD ..... what ah ad break it was!! ..... ah nearly fall off meh chair wit laugh ..... cuz Trevor Sayers serious?! ..... who woulda ever tink ..... dat he would one day top himself ..... wit an even more dotish ad ..... dan de one where he does end off wit ..... "AND REMEMBER ..... I LOVE YOU"???!!!
Cuz what de france is STAMINA MAN??!!!
He cyah be fuh real!!!
What HERBS it is exactly ..... he does sell???
..... cuz watch meh ..... as at today ..... I doh know if de man is a real Doctor ..... or a Naturalized Love Doctor ..... or ah Herbalist ...... or a Singer ..... or a Preacher ...... or a highman ...... or if he even sane at all ..... cuz dis rounds ..... wit dis particular STAMINA product ..... de man went all out ..... and flim bout 3 different videos fuh our viewing pleasure ......yes ..... he make de one below (in HD) ...... ah 2010 version ..... and last and by far de least creative ..... de REMIX!
Anyway ....... under all de ole talk doh ....... ah tryin tuh access de website (www.naturalizedherbs.com) ..... an' ah cyah get orn tuh it fuh nuttin (maybe it need ah lil STAMINA) ...... so if anybody have any info on dis product ...... holla at meh nah ..... cuz is Cahneeval ..... an' yuh could never have too much STAMINA!!!
Oh gosh ..... STAMINA MAN lookin like he run out of STAMINA ..... which is understandable ..... cuz those
3 videos woulda require real STAMINA (and balls) tuh flim!!!
PS: .... buh wait ..... is Anya Ayoung Chee ah seein under "Related Videos"?! ...... uhhhh ..... why ...... jus because she was STAMINA WOMAN in she sex tapes ...... an' wait ..... talkin about sex tapes ..... she wasn't supposed tuh have some Press Conference after CHOGM!!??
.... on being a TRINI Capricorn!
..... and .... the actual 'rant' ...... that got the ball rolling ..... was one I did two years ago ..... about being born in Trinidad ..... in the month of January ...... which two years later ...... still applies!
The year was (uhhhhh forget de year fuh now!) ..... the month was January ...... the day was the 18th ...... yes people ..... that is the day ..... that the earth was blessed with my presence!
..... and ...... as far back ...... as I can remember ...... as a rule ..... every year ...... on de day ...... I'd always get de famous (and annoying) birthday question i.e. "so what yuh doin fuh de birthday?" ....... and ...... every year ....... as a rule ....... I'd always respond with ....... NUTTIN! ...... BREATHING! ...... Thank God!
So ..... as expected ..... this year was no different .....
But ..... after givin de standard response ...... over and over ...... some of de reactions got me thinking ...... thinking about de lack of hullabaloo (that yuh normally associate with birthdays) ...... when it came to my own ......
Cuz ever since I know myself ...... I never really 'celebrated' my birthday ...... I never made a big deal of it ..... as a matter of fact ..... it was always a day that ..... NOBODY ever made a big deal of (well except my parents) ....... and I guess ...... as some kind of justification ...... to comfort myself maybe ...... I always blamed my indifference (and everybody else's) ...... on logistics ..... and plain ole WRONG TIMING!
Cuz yuh see ..... January ...... in Trinidad and Tobago ..... is ah kyna tricky month ...... is de month dat falls smack in de middle ...... of those two money mongering monsters ..... Christmas ...... and ...... Carnival ...... so ..... as you can well understand ...... January was always about ...... Resolutions ...... and ...... Recovery ....... i.e. resolutions tuh recover money dat was lost tuh Christmas ....... in order tuh lose it again tuh Carnival!!! ...... Birthdays in January ..... never stood a chance against the big Cs ....... so yeah ..... just by virtue of being ah TRINI ...... my January birth ...... became a non-issue forever!!!
So when ah say .... ah eh doin NUTTIN ...... is not because ah doh want tuh celebrate ....... is not because ah not grateful fuh another year of life ...... is not because ah eh feelin de vibes ...... is simply because ...... ah born in de right country ...... in de wrong blasted month ....... and nobody eh have no money ..... and nobody eh have me tuh study ...... cuz ...... is Carnival!!!
.... so again ..... for yet another year ..... let me just say ..... to all my peeps ..... who called ..... and texted ..... and emailed ...... THANKS for the wishes (altho a gift woulda been a more memorable, tangible gesture!
) ....... and tuh those who didn't know ..... now yuh know ...... and to those who clean forget me ...... doh study it ...... is Carnival!!!PS: Coffeedude ..... whey yuh is dude ..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Dulha Mil Gaya ....
So I pick up de Express ...... tuh flip tru it ..... cuz I eh read no papers fuh de day .....
But is nearly midnight ..... an' I eh feelin tuh really read nuttin ..... so ah decide tuh jus look at de pictures .... and de ads ......
So I reach page 81 (of 88) ...... and the following 4 1/4" x 6" NOTICE pops out at me .....
Well .... I immediately get confused ...... cuz what de heck is DULHA MIL GAYA ..... and who de heck does still use video tapes ...... and PROSECUTED??? ...... who de heck does get prosecuted in Trinbago ...... especially fuh someting like 'pirating'??!!
Ahhhhh ...... so 7 pages later ..... de Express is ah wrap ....... an' an pick up de Newsday ...... where I discover on Page 28 of Section B ...... dat DULHA MIL GAYA ...... is actually an Indian movie ...... dat comin soon ....... and apparently ....... it was FILMED ON LOCATION IN TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO ....... Grrrrrrrrr??? ...... Shah Rukh Khan and Sushmita Sen was in Trini flimin ah movie??!!! ...... when???
But ..... back to my original confusion ..... cuz what I still want tuh know is dis ..... how exactly does de Executive Producer (Anthony Maharaj) or whoever ..... intend tuh ketch piraters ...... is it dat dey gonna dispatch dey own Private Pirate Police ...... cuz heck shit ...... men been piratin fuh years ...... an' none ah dem does get 'ketch' ..... look jus de odda nite I went Movie Zone in St. James ...... well not me really ..... I was jus de driver ...... is really meh fren who wanted tuh get some movies ..... anyway ...... I stay in de car ...... and while sittin there waitin fuh fren ...... a Police car pull up ..... and two Police jump out (wit guns) ....... not tuh uphold de law yuh know ...... but tuh partake in de same pirate party!
There is no doubt that that movie IS gonna be pirated ...... but ...... as de ole saying goes ...... Gopaul luck ...... eh Seepaul luck ...... so it is now left tuh be seen ...... how empty the threat really is!
PS: .... I eh have de energy tuh write about ONE fete .... so all I'll say fuh now ...... is that the most memorable ting fuh me ..... was de 'complimentary' (already paid $700) parking ...... in King George V Park!!!
..... look who talkin about FRAUD!
STEUPS!
...... if is anybody dat dey should charge wit FRAUD .....
..... is de dotish Guardian!!!
Cuz watch meh ...... talk about misleading ..... and tryin tuh bamboozle people ..... de article ..... eh have shit tuh do wit de headline ..... or de picture!!! ...... so WHY ...... why write a story about one person (about FRAUD tuh boot) ..... and put an accompanying picture of someone else ....... why our newspapers so dotish and sleazy!!??
Why make it look ..... like is Laundry who get charge wit fraud ...... when we all know ..... dat de only FRAUD Laundry ever commit ..... was posin as ah Soca Artiste!! ..... which (in Trini) is ah non-chargeable offence!!
Ah real vex yuh know ...... because I know Mr. Chow Lin On personally ...... and I know Nicole Main personally ...... and I know dat de Guardian newspaper ...... knew exactly what dey was doin ..... and dat dey jus on alotta shit!!! ...... so Bobie-Lee Dixon ...... because Scene does tell it like it is ..... and because Scene not on no shit like allyuh ...... de nex time yuh lookin tuh buss ah mark ...... without de sensationalism factor ...... check meh ...... an' ah go link yuh wit de right pics ..... if it is yuh so need tuh put ah pic wit yuh story! ..... which by the way ...... I fully endorse ...... cuz I all fuh exposin people when dey do wrong!
PS: ...... remember tuh send yuh texts tuh help HAITI ...... and oh ..... ticketmaster get tru ..... so ah in de ONE later!
Amnesia .... an' meh near brush wit Blowin a Breathalyzer!
...... is now 2010 ...... and Carnival come back again! ...... which I didn't even realise ...... until fren call meh last week ...... tuh discuss Carnival fetes! ...... cuz is only then ...... it dawned on me ..... dat I eh know when nuttin is ...... and I eh even know one soca song fuh de season! ..... it so bad wit me ...... dat is only when de Beyonce bacchanal start tuh brew ..... dat I find out dat Carnival is dat same week!!
Now my peeps know ...... dat dey is not tuh call me ...... tuh ASK me where I goin ...... and dat when dey call (tuh have a carnival discussion) ....... is tuh TELL me where WE goin ..... cuz as I've said time and time again ...... me eh payin dem crazy ass prices tuh go nowhere! ...... if ah ticket doh magically land up in my lap ...... my arse is home (wit all my money still in my wallet)!
So anyway ....... said fren ...... who is de original link-up queen ..... and who knows my MO very well ...... call meh back about 2 days after we talk ..... tuh tell meh dat she organise tickets fuh Amnesia .....
Scene's carnival was about tuh launch!
Now I didn't go to Amnesia last year ...... which apparently ...... was not a good year for them ..... with the whole hors d'oeuvres paradin as food fiasco ...... I believe it was their first year attempting dat format ...... and Trinis did not appreciate it at all ..... cuz if is one ting Trinis expect when dey pay hundreds of dollars tuh go ah party ...... is nuff food ...... and nuff alcohol ..... and dah whole finger foods scene ..... jus wasn't cuttin it ..... cuz Trinis feel if dey pay $600 or $700 or $800 ...... dey must eat and drink de whole $600 or $700 or $800!!!
Anyway ....... de party was yesterday ...... at Pier 1 ..... and from de looks of tings ..... is only people who had AMNESIA ..... and people like me (who didn't go last year) ...... turn up! ....... cuz I reach de party about 6:00 pm ..... which I figured was a good time ...... since it was carded to start at 4:00 pm ..... but ......at that time ...... plenty of de 'beautiful people' still had not arrived!
Tuh tell yuh how buss-ish de party was ..... getting tuh de venue was ah breeze ...... and you know ..... dat nuttin it havin down dey does doh cause traffic! ...... but ..... yesterday was smooth sailing ...... even parkin was borse ..... cuz was nuff room in de Pier 2 car park ..... an' doh get meh wrong eh ...... I eh complainin about de buss-ish-ness eh ..... cuz dat actually worked in we (the beautiful people) favour ..... cuz nothing was a problem in de party ...... drinks was real easy tuh get ...... food was plentiful and real easy tuh get ..... de bathrooms were clean and real easy tuh access ..... de crowd was real spaced out and real easy tuh maneuver yuh way through ..... in other words ...... de scene was nice and cool ...... and not hot and sweaty and ram (like previous years)!
The theme this year was "Spectrum - The Colour Principle" (yeah, yuh know Island People always have some dotish 'Theme') ..... and yuh was supposed tuh wear "BRIGHT" ...... so wit dat said ...... and knowing dat dey known fuh a lot of gimmicky shit ..... I was kinda anxious tuh see the decor fuh such a 'Bright' theme ..... but ..... my excitement soon went dull as we made our way into the venue ...... which looked kinda like ...... Pier 1 ...... not no SPECTRUM ...... de only 'decor' dat was visible ..... was de Island People staff all decked off in all white!
So anyway ..... as we enter de party now ..... Bmobile was givin out dey usual crap ..... like cup and bandanna an' ting ..... and right next tuh dem was 'complimentary' welcome drinks ...... which immediately sent me into "Grrrrrr mode" ...... cuz Hello ..... after yuh pay $595 - $650 tuh walk eeeeen ah all-inclusive party ...... there is no such creature as 'complimentary' ...... but ..... whatever ..... ah call down ah Baileys and proceeded tuh really enter de party ...... which was set up on only one side of Pier 1 ..... so is like de party was half de size it normally is ......
Anyways ..... after downing drink number 1 ..... was time tuh get some food ...... which consisted of actual, real food ...... not hors d'oeuvres ..... there was a tent with Mexican food ..... and one with Creole food ..... and a couple other tents with stuff like shark and bake ....... and black pudding ..... and doubles ..... and poulorie ..... an' ting like dat ...... so ...... after checkin out all de tents ...... we settled on some Creole ...... soon after ...... it was time for drink number 2 ..... which very rapidly multiplied into drink number 7 or 8 ...... all while a handful more 'beautiful people' turned up ..... in between three bands takin the stage ...... and everybody shoo-shooin about de Pohlice outside with de breathalyzer!
Now I could go on and on ..... but ...... in a nutshell ..... fuh me ..... de party was vibesless ...... and I guess is because ...... I really doh know none of de music fuh dis season ..... cuz yuh know soca is ah dotish music like dat! ...... if yuh eh familiar wit it .... it eh go move yuh ...... so I really was not moved by the HD Family ...... they just looked like a confused bunch ..... Bunji and Faye-Ann ...... well I didn't even see dem ..... all I know is dat Bunji have one stupid song about de gully and de gaza ...... steups!!! ..... an' doh talk fuh Kes de Band ..... by dat time ...... I was firmly stuck tuh ah chair by de pool ...... cuz one of my crew became sick from drinking too much ......
...... before Kes even finish ...... I was out ......
..... and that is when I had my near brush with blowin ah Breathalyzer ......
Me: Realisin dat it have real Pohlice on de scene ..... ah slow down when ah reach de
first one .... an' ah turn meh window down ..... tuh hear what he have tuh say .....
Pohlice: Goodnight Miss ...... please follow dat car (meaning the car dat was in front of me)
Me: So I follow the car ..... and end up on de shoulder ..... where ah nex Pohlice walks up
to my window ..... and all I studyin is ..... Oh gosh not he .....he's ah real known
Idiot Pohlice!! ..... so anyway ...... as ah say ...... he walks up to my window with a
smile on his face as if tuh say ..... 'eh heh yuh get ketch!' ..... and then proceeds tuh
ask fuh de standard documents ....
Pohlice: Goodnight Ma'am ..... we're just conducting a routine check ...... may I see your
licence and insurance .....
Me: So while digging under my seat for my handbag ..... and trying to locate my
insurance in the glove compartment ...... he then continues ......
Pohlice: How many drinks did you consume?
Me: 3 Scotch and Coconut .....
Pohlice: Would you be willing to do a Breathalyzer test?
Me: OK ..... but I don't really know much about this whole Breathalyzer thing .......
I don't know what the legal alcohol in yuh blood level is ..... and I don't think
that I am drunk ...... but OK ...... if you want me to do one ..... I'll do it .....
Pohlice: You do know that if you fail the test ...... you can be arrested?
Me: Oh gosh no ..... ah didn't know dat ...... den NO ....... ah doh want tuh do it
again ...... ah really doh feel tuh get arrested tonight .....
Pohlice: *smirk* how much yuh pay tuh go eeeen dat party?
Me: $650
Pohlice: So dat means yuh real drink ......
Me: No .... cuz yuh could never drink yuh money's worth .....
At that point ..... he then leaned down ....... looked at my passenger ...... and returned my permit and insurance ..... cuz I guess he simply came tuh de conclusion ..... dat I really was the designated driver ..... as there was no doubt in his mind ..... that my passenger WAS drunk! ...... which he let me know ..... and which I refuted with .... "No Officer - he just tired" ....
Now what I want tuh know is dis ...... what exactly is de criteria ...... dat de Pohlice usin with dis breathalyzer ting ...... tuh brace people who goin home from party ..... cuz why it is I get brace ..... and fren didn't ...... cuz she left de party 5 minutes before me ...... in de same condition as me ...... and she was not stopped ...... dey eh fart on she ....... so why it is ...... dat 5 minutes later ...... when I driving by ...... dey stop ME ..... and how come I was asked if I'd be willing tuh do de test ...... I didn't know yuh had ah choice!
Anyway ...... everybody reach home safe ..... an' nobody eh get arrested!
By de way ..... next week is meh burrrday ..... an' ah lookin tuh trow ah big party called ONE ...... Witco sponsorin it ...... yuh all invited!
When it rains .... it pours!
...... cuz I'm sick ..... AGAIN!
On Christmas Eve nite .... a friend invited me to ah 'party' ...... and I say 'party' in inverted commas ...... cuz it was more like ah lime ...... like an 'alternative' lime ..... and I say 'alternative' in inverted commas ..... cuz it was kinda weird ...... different ...... and when I say different ...... I mean different in more ways than one ...... cuz I don't normally lime at Christmas time ..... I normally stay at home ....... so being out ..... liming ..... was weird!
Anyway ..... next day now ....... Christmas Day ...... ah get up late ...... and in ah kyna state ....... cuz just when ah was suppose tuh be feelin ..... Merry ...... and jolly ...... I all of ah sudden ...... started tuh feel ..... flu-eee ...... but ..... I eh take it orn ...... ah tell mehself ...... is jus "de day after ah nite out" symptoms ...... cuz really an' truly ...... I cyah remember de lass time I get de flu!!
Boxing Day now ...... it was clear ....... it was definitely the flu ...... sore throat ...... coughing ...... sneezing ...... headache ....... body pains etc ....... so ...... of course ..... my first reaction was tuh call meh fren ...... who sister is a doctor ...... cuz I tort I was dyin ...... all kyna shit start tuh flow tru my mucous-filled head ...... like swine flu an' ting!
Fren now ....... who thinks that I am a hypochondriac ...... proceeds tuh laugh off my hysteria ...... and advises that her doctor sis gorn shoppin ...... and that it IS the flu that I have ...... and that all I need tuh do ...... is go take some cold tablets!
So I call up another friend ...... and I ask him tuh go tuh de pharmacy ...... seek out the Pharmacist ..... describe my symptoms ...... and have them recommend sumtin ......
About half hour later ...... he returns with 4 Cup Soup (which I also requested) ...... and 2 packs of Tylenol ...... 2 packs of Tylenol ehl!!!!! ...... you know how much tablet it have in 2 packs of Tylenol ....... 48!!!!! ....... why he tort I needed 48 tablets ...... I don't know ......
Anyway ..... so I pop two immediately ...... and 4 hours later I pop two more ....... but ...... again ...... all I had eaten fuh de day ....... is de Cup Soup ...... so of course instead of the tablets getting me back on track ...... I started to feel worse ...... wit dat dotish nauseous feelin again ......
Needless tuh say ...... fuh de rest of de day ...... on Boxing Day ..... I was dead tuh de world!
De day after Boxing Day now ...... I kyna started tuh feel human again ......
Den yesterday ...... I was back ...... still had a stupid nagging cough ..... but at least I wasn't feeling sick ..... besides ...... I had no choice but tuh get my arse up and about ....... cuz yesterday was my post surgery doctor visit .......
So I go to the doctor ....... for my 12:00 noon appointment ...... and I'm not seen until 2:10 pm ...... yeah ...... dat alone coulda cause ah relapse ...... but ...... as ah say ...... it was de first time since Christmas Day ...... dat ah was actually feelin OK ...... so me ....... wit meh farse self ....... instead of just goin back home after de doctor ...... I decide tuh go an' dreevay ......
BIG MISTAKE!!
....... cuz today ....... I'm like back to square one ...... and coincidentally ..... ah bounce up ah Swine Flu ad in de papers ...... dat say ..... if flu symptoms persist fuh more dan 4 days ...... go see a doctor ...... LAWD!
Anyway ..... while I contemplate poppin more pills ..... and/or going tuh de doctor AGAIN ..... I leave you with these ...... starting with that wack story about de dog dat get swine flu from his owner ...... Grrrrrrr???
...... now tell me ..... does that dog look like it have swine flu ..... de dog lookin like it vogue-in out ......
What de heck is dat ..... saw it by my coz on Christmas Eve nite ...... it was HUGE ...... ugh!!!
Stopped off in St. James ..... on Christmas Eve nite (after de lime/party) ..... fuh ah Gyro ..... Hosay was goin orn ..... and de Main Road was blocked off ...... so we had tuh park on ah side street ...... that sign was on the opposite side ...... I was intrigued by the COLORSPERMS ..... and the fact that they specialised in RELAXERS COLORSPERMS ...... and CREAM ...... and OIL ....... and also dressing all 'TYPE' of brides ......
Saw this sign when I went to the doctor yesterday ..... there are two of them in the car park ...... it got me thinking tho ...... cuz we all know that 'no peeing' signs are targeted at men ...... but are there any such signs for women ...... like is there anything that women do ..... that requires a 'DO NOT DO' sign??
..... then ....... while at the doctor's office ..... sitting waiting impatiently ...... for 2 hours and 10 minutes ....... I couldn't help but notice dat mat ....... cuz his office is on the third floor of the building ....... so if one opts tuh use the steps (tuh get tuh him) ......... one would have real steps tuh climb ..... so I found it a tad bit funny ..... dat on yuh final step UP ...... is when dey go tell yuh "PLEASE WATCH YOUR STEP"!!
Hmmmmm ...... so it seems like Ms. Sacha Fierce IS gonna be in Trini next year ...... well I go hadda hear about dat ...... cuz I cyah afford dat shit ..... altho the prices aren't as bad as I thought they were going to be! ...... and what de so-an-so is VVIP ...... if you know how dat acronym does get me MAD!!! ..... cuz whey de arse dat extra V come from ...... either yuh is ah VIP or not ..... next ting yuh know ..... jus now ...... some brighter idiot ....... go come out wit more foolishness like ...... VVVIP ...... or VVVVIP ...... cuz why stop at two Vs ....... STEUPS!!!!
If something is FROZEN ...... can it still be ..... FRESH?!
What exactly is 'PROPER MANNERISMS' ..... fuh a DJ????
3 women try to kill another woman ..... OVER AH FACEBOOK MESSAGE!!!??? ...... is this real??
This is one bizarre story ..... cuz obviously Mr. Tiwari is telling the truth ...... dat video had tuh be doctored like he say!!! ....... cuz oh gorm ...... de man is 86 years old ...... why would he be 'in bed' with 3 women ...... viagra does work dat good!?!
The BREATHALYSER is here people ...... and so is Carnival ...... so stock up on those RBACTs now ...... yep ...... get tested ...... tuh avoid gettin ...... arrested!
LOL ..... love dis ad!
I'm off tuh pop two pills!
Happy New Year peeps!
CLICO is sending me LOCO!!!
You tink it right ..... dat on de Eve .....of de Eve ..... of Christmas Eve ..... I should be stressin!?
Noooooo ..... I should be drinkin some Sorrel ..... and eatin some Pastelle ....... and washin dat down with some Black Cake and Ponche de Creme!!!
Earlier dis year ...... when de mark had buss on CLICO ...... I didn't dig no scene ...... cuz ah tell mehself ...... Government bailin dem out ...... we (Policyholders) eh have nuttin tuh worry about ..... we safe! ..... den too ..... is real small money I have wit dem ...... so knowing dat meh policy was due tuh 'mature' dis month ...... I carried orn as normal ..... payin meh premium ..... and counting down tuh December!
Now doh ask meh what de policy is about eh ...... cuz ah doh know ...... I take out dat policy in de dark ages ...... when I was about 20 ...... and when Insurance Agents used tuh stalk yuh until yuh take out ah policy! ...... all I know .... is dat every five years ..... it does 'mature' ...... and ..... being the anal person that I am ...... I diarise dat shit!
Thankfully ..... and coincidentally (re de setta money ah jus spend on surgery) ..... de 4th installment became due this month ...... December 7 ..... and on December 7 self ...... ah get de advice in de mail ...... so on December 8 ah call dem tuh enquire and acquire (my cheque) ..... and to find out how tuh cancel de policy ..... cuz as ah say ...... I have dat policy donkey years now ...... and I really doh want it no more ......
So ring ring ..... I ask for Catherine (whose name was one of three CSRs tuh contact) ...... and I give her my story ..... to which she advises ..... that my November premium did not come in as yet ...... and that I have one of two options:
- Either wait until the November premium is received ..... and they make the cheque for the full amount ..... or
- Proceed with the cheque ..... less de November premium ..... and when it eventually reach .... they would just give me back via another cheque ....
Now mind you ...... ah doh know why de france ...... on December 8 ...... dey still had not received my November premium eh ..... cuz is ah bloody standing order I have ..... fuh de 23rd monthly!
Anyway ..... after contemplating those two very simple options (fuh all of two seconds) ...... I told Catherine that I'd take de cheque now (i.e. less de November premium) ...... and we'll deal wit de November premium after .....
Right ...... December 15 reach now ..... an' ah cyah hear or see nuttin ...... so I call Catherine tuh follow-up ...... cuz is ah whole week pass ..... and nobody eh callin tuh say dat de cheque ready ...... well is like who tell me do dat ...... ah get boof yes ...... cuz apparently ....... de day after ah talk tuh her (December 9) ....... de November payment come eeeen ...... and she had supposedly done process de transaction ..... so she then had tuh go and do over de whole scene ...... blah, blah, blah ......
But ..... WHAT @#*$%^& EVER!!!! ...... T.M.I.!!! ...... da'is not my problem ...... I jus want tuh know de date tuh collect de cheque!!!
So anyway ..... as ah was sayin ..... my gyul wit her newfound attitude ..... then advises that the cheque should actually be ready that same day (i.e. December 15) ..... and that she'd call me when it is ...... in other words ..... DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!
December 22 reach now (today!) ...... ah nex whole week later ...... and Catherine cyah call me yet!! ...... so I call AGAIN! ..... but I eh ask fuh Catherine ..... cuz if I did only talk tuh she ..... and she give me more attitude ...... ah woulda have tuh hit she ah TSTT cuss ...... so I let the call go to the Operator ..... and I ask for the CUSTOMER SERVICE Department ..... where a very sprightly Nisha answers ..... so I give Nisha my story ..... and I enquire as to when my cheque would be ready ...... to which she replies ..... I CAN'T SAY ....... Grrrrrrrrrr??!! ...... how long does it take to issue ah cheque fuh small-ass money???!!!!
I then suddenly remember that ...... tis the season to be jolly ..... and I take a deep breath ..... and I explain to her ..... that today is two weeks since my policy 'matured' .... and I need to know when I can collect my cheque ..... to which she replies again ...... "I really can't say but I'm seeing here on the system that Catherine is handling this, so I'll see if she can give you an update, what's your number?"
Fa la la ..... la la ..... la la ..... la ...... la ...... I just said OK ..... Thank You (for @#*$%^& nothing) ...... my number is so so so!
So yuh see what goin orn here ...... dis is ah classic Trini run-around!! ...... nobody know nuttin ...... and everybody palmin orf on somebody else!!
...... 3 hours and 30 minutes have passed ...... since I spoke with Nisha ...... and Catherine eh fart on me yet ...... wit ah 'update'!!!
..... an' ah now talk tuh meh fren who workin First Citizens (which is de Bank dat have some kyna connection tuh dis whole CLICO bacchanal) ...... an' she tell meh ...... "Scene gyul - doh hold yuh breath - yuh go dead - cuz it have people waitin over 6 months now fuh dey money from CLICO!"
JAH!!!
Anyway ..... while this saga continues ..... I leave you with two pics ..... jus tuh lighten de vibes lil bit 
Saw dis on de Western Main Road, St. James ...... while goin tuh buy Gyros ..... which by the way ..... seems tuh be de hot new shit now ...... is every two blocks (in Woodbrook and St. James) have ah Gyro stand ..... and wit real Syrians runnin dem too!!
Purchased this (for a friend) on Saturday at Sports and Games, Long Circular Mall ......
Crocs (a.k.a. VINYL 'SIPPER') have tuh be most ugliest footwear dey ever invent ...... it so big and obzockee ...... ah could really picture some drunkard 'Sippin' from it fuh tru .....
Thanks peeps ...
Oh gosh ...... thanks fuh de good vibes people!
I dey ...... poke-ah-poke no beef ...... wit not one arse tuh do whole day ...... but cock-up meh foot an' gape ....... so of course ..... in de course ...... of day 3 ...... of recovery ..... ah pick up ah papers ...... an' is only pure idleness make meh turn orn meh scanner ....... an' scan dem ting below ...... an' is not like ah get back meh internet eh ...... Nooooooo ...... de same idleness make meh leave meh house tuh go use fren own!
Now I doh know if is me ...... or if classified ads have some kinda special codin or wordin ...... cuz 9 outta 10 times ...... I does doh understand half ah dem .......
..... like dis one ...... HELL YEAH! ...... I WILL stuff 1,000 "envelops" fuh $15,000!!! ..... only thing is ..... I doh know what de heck ah 'stamp envelop' is ......
...... but is no scene ....... cuz look more ads sayin de same shit ...... so now I can choose ...... tuh send/rush my "self-address" stamped "enevelops" ........ to P.O. Box 78 ....... or to D. Joseph ..... or to K. Kumar .......
OK ...... this whole ad have me confused ....... CASH DAILY AND ON THE WEEKEND??? ...... what is the difference ...... isn't DAILY ..... every day ...... as in Sun - Mon ....... including the weekend?! ....... and what is a "Catholog" ...... a Catholic Catalogue?
What de arse you could be doin ...... HOME ...... wit NO EXPERIENCE ...... dat payin US$3,000 ....... I need tuh know ...... cuz I qualify!!
WHAT IF this ad made sense ....... what would it really be sayin???
Hmmmm ..... dis whole ad weird ..... startin wit de "Calling Female Deportee" ....... like if is only one deportee dey callin .......
Butt Cream????
WOW ...... can't pass this up peeps ...... what better way tuh acquire a 42 inch Flat Screen TV?! ....... dan tuh buy ah house ...... before Dec 31 ...... and voilà ...... FREE TV!
By the way ...... who exactly is "them" ....... in "Get them the Ultimate Gift this year"???
So de Express asked these kids their views on Santa ...... some say dat dey doh believe ...... and some say dey believe and want dolly and Play Station an' ting ...... but check out Shakem Paul's picture ....... and his response ........ LOL ...... PRICELESS!
I recommend dat his parents call the number below ....... the boy's got expression! 
PS: .... aye Mas Assassin ..... Welcome tuh de scene!
I been down ....
You see ..... on December 7 ....... I made a discovery ...... on my body ......
Then on December 8 ..... I got a visit from TSTT ....... YAY! ...... my internet was back ...... and it was working wonderfully ..... I clean forget about de 'discovery' ......
However ..... by 8:00 pm (dat same day) ....... I got a reminder ...... which was pretty scary ...... cuz my 'discovery' had by then grown ..... considerably ......
So on December 9 ....... I called my doctor bright and early ....... about said 'discovery' ...... to which he blurted ....... "You need to come see me" ....... after which ..... he immediately referred me (to another doctor) .......
On December 10 now ....... I go to Doctor Referee ...... and he recommends surgery ....... kinda urgently ......
Right ...... so with surgery booked for the next day ...... he instructs me to not eat or drink ANYTHING (not even water) after 12 midnight til .......
December 11 ...... I reach promptly at 11:00 am (as instructed) ...... for my 12:00 noon appointment ...... only to lay in a bed til 3:00 pm (which is the time my Doctor arrived) ...... so on the verge of starving tuh death ...... I finally underwent the surgery ..... and was discharged at about 7:00 pm ....... in pain and hungry ....... twas ah bloody long day!
December 12 ...... was de worse ..... I was in pain ....... I was nauseous ....... I was pukin ........ and all because I didn't follow simple instructions ...... i.e. to take the painkillers after meals ....... lesson learnt fuh sure!
December 13 ..... I am A-OK!
So ...... as ah was feelin lil better ..... ah say leh meh logon ...... and vibes on meh blog lil bit ...... only tuh make another dastardly discovery .....
De internet gone again!!!
But yuh know what ..... after a week like last week ....... da'is small ting!
Scene is out (til de internet come back) .....
ah Quickie ....
I'm so beginning tuh feel tho ....... dat is de people who does actually fix de road ..... who does write these Notices ....... cuz what de heck dey mean by ......... "affect" repairs ....... and how could "Alternative Routes are:" ...... equal 1.???
...... and "Female or Male" ........or what ........ is there something else????
Grrrrr????? ........ WHY???????
Oh ..... and last ....... but certainly not least ...... tuh all you potential horner men ....... who may potentially get de urge tuh release yuh inner Tiger ...... via yuh Wood ....... da'is de way tuh do it ...... not wit no Monica Lewinsky!!!
PS: ..... meh internet zorcin fuh de past two weeks ...... hence de scarce posts ....... TSTT came Saturday gorn ...... and dey due back on Tuesday ....... so all should be well fuh about ah minute after Tuesday