RedMan .... not de sweet, trini kind tho!
Patriotism shines in many different ways ……. and one such way I read about ..... in yesterday's Newsday …… lookin tuh come tru ….... in de form of a RedMan ……
Once upon a time …… way back in 1983 ……. a man named Jerry …….. was ah "POHLEASE" ……. in the TnT police service….. one day ……. while Jerry was on duty ……. at his regular post …… he got a call ….. to join a patrol vehicle …… which was headin out on ah bandit hunt …… Jerry defied the order ….. maybe he had ah ……. sixth (wutless pohlease) sense ….... cuz it was later learnt that …… had he gone …… he woulda get shoot up ….. along wit de car ……. he would not have survived ……. to Jerry ..…. this was "divine intervention" ….. however ….. to his superior ….. it was …… "downright insubordination" ……
…… Jerry was immediately sent on "vacation" for six months …… and he subsequently "resigned" …….
Convinced that he got a second chance at life ….. Jerry went about the business …….. of starting his own ….. and ...... educating himself in all things "law enforcement" ……… donkey years later …… Jerry has a noble desire to give back to his country …… and share his wealth of knowledge ….. aided by none other …… than ah RedMan!! ….
... da'is redman Jerry
Now I am all for …… new "help our crime situation" initiatives ….. but this one ….. had tuh be ah joke …… de ting like a comic strip character ….. like a fat Flash Gordon ……. like ah 80s transformer …… like a red version of de Michelin Tyre Man!!!
That was my initial reaction ….. however …… after careful thought ….. I realized that ....... dude may actually have ah shot ……. cuz if somebody coulda bamboozle us …… tuh buy de blimp ….. and de eye in the sky …... and an executive jet (de latest mark waitin tuh buss) ….. and other miscellaneous, unnecessary crap ….. then how hard would it be ...... for a smart-man trini …… to palm off ah few RedMan on us ……. cuz yuh know us trinis could sell ice tuh de Eskimos!! ….... so anyway ….. knowin dat we known …… fuh wastin money …… ah say ….. leh meh analyse dis ting further ….. cuz even tho …… we livin in ah country ……. wit nuff "red man" walkin round …… yuh know we go end up buyin it!!!……
So hear de scene …… Jerry tryin tuh sell us a "bodysuit" …… fuh police tuh use ……. when dey trainin in "defensive tactics"!!! ….… when what dey really need …… is training in ...... "inoffensive tactics"!!!! …... and on dat note …… our police does actually go tru "training"?!?!?! ……. who woulda thunk?!?! ...... anyway getting tuh de nitty gritty ……. one kit ….. or package …… which contains 1 instructor and 4 student suits ..….. costs approximately US$40,000 (you do da math tuh work out per suit!) …… to me ……. dis sound like is really ah "jerry" …… dat Jerry looking tuh give we!! ….. cuz other than the cost of the actual item ….. how much training yuh tink our cops will need …… on simply assembling the suit on dey body ……. and what will it cost ……. to hire someone ……. to train dem on how to do dat …… along wit all the other good stuff …. dat de suit good for …….. and what will be the cost of maintenance ……. and repairs …… and what if we wanted a BlackMan …… instead of a RedMan ……
….. and exactly how many police will need to be trained ……. how many of these suits would be required ….. and do they come in sizes ….. small, medium and large …… cuz if yuh require a size "small" …… den maybe yuh shouldn’t be ah police at all ….. and how often will they be used …… and how will they be cleaned …. can they go in the washing machine ….. or will they have tuh "dry" clean ..... cuz after all …… they gonna be shared …… and ewwwww ….. imagine sweating in dat ting …… or bussin yuh head in it …… and den giving it to somebody else tuh wear …… gross!!! ….. and how effective is the suit …... will it stop a bullet …… will it stop ah stab ……. will it prevent break-hand …… or break-foot ….. and when yuh encase yuhself in de suit …… yuh’ll be able tuh move at all???? ……. and why do our police need this suit anyway ……. why "cushion" their training ……. when in real life ….. is real life …… cuff and kick dey go be gettin ….. some well deserved ones too ...... and on dat note …… do police ever get dat close tuh ah bandit …... tuh get kick and cuff …… cuz as far as we know ….. our bandits does master ‘elude’ de police ……. so wuz de real scene ...... wuz de real justification?! …… fuh dis training “protection”?!?!?
Now …… as ah mentioned before ….. I all fuh ….. ANYTING …. that could improve the service of our police force ….. actually …… I hope when de RedMan reach …… he take all dem police ...... tuh do a lil Dale Carnegie course too ….. like “How to win friends and influence people” …… and den maybe after dat …… he could take dem tuh do ah lil Marguerite Gordon course ….. on decorum and etiquette and general acceptable behaviour ….. and den he could probably wrap up de training ……. wit ah lil evening classes in ...... “How not to ack ah fool jus cuz yuh wearin ah police uniform” ……. cuz HELLO …… at an average cost of US$8000 per suit …… dat cyah be fuh 'physical training' alone ……. as a matter of fact …… I tink they should also be used ….. at all national events ……. yuh cyah get more patriotic dan donnin ah suit like dat …… or ….. they could even rent dem fuh kiddie parties ……. kids would love tuh beat up on dat …..
But seriously ……. wha yuh tink bout "RedMan" …… “Red Herring” or “Red Hot”?!?!
PS: in the news today …. Jamaican Veterinary student hurt in smash-up with Police ….. so now it look like dey need tuh do ah lil defensive drivin course too ……
yuh orn wid dis one. I voting you Minister of National Security one time. The onliest thing yuh didn't hit on is that if we start using dem REdmen then Sat and GOPIO would start asking how come we ain't have no douglaman of red indian man, etc..
Reply to this
These suits are for the police to train?...POLICE DOES TRAIN??!! Aye, allyuh, doh fight dong Jerry. I too have aspirations of peddling some superfluous drivel to this spendthrift, boops, of a government. Jet, Blimp, Cricket Stadium, Rapid Rail...NOW IS D TIME!! Anyway, while they are awaiting the imminent approval for the purchase of "Red Man", d police could ckeck mih fuh plasta, tiger balm, dettol an' aloes.
Reply to this