Today I had a conversation with ME …… after reading an article on page 5 of de Express …… yeah …… either I mad …… or some of my fellow trinis!!! …… so here’s how it went: 

ME:                        No, No, No …. I didn’t say Crab and Dumpling …… I said Crab
                        and Cocaine! 

ME AGAIN:           Oh …. is that a new "trini dish"? 

ME:                        No, No ….. it’s actually a way of life …… for a man named
                        Stephen Jagroop.  

ME AGAIN:           Huh …. what do you mean? 

ME:                   Well …… turns out …. Mr. Jagroop makes a living by “ketchin
                        crabs”! 

ME AGAIN:           Eh ….. he’s a gigolo? 

ME:                        No, No ….. he not promiscuous or anyting like dat ….. is not
                        crab lice! ….… he doh have “crabs”! .…… is de crustaceans he
                        into …… yuh know de ones with de big, sharp gundy??!! 

ME AGAIN:           Oh …… OK ….. so what dat have tuh do wit cocaine? 

ME:                        Well ….. he uses the cocaine "to help ease pain" …… from de
                        "bites" he does get from de crabs …… when he put he hand 
                        in de crab hole tryin tuh ketch dem! 

ME AGAIN:           So wait nah …. what he sayin is dat …. cocaine good fuh pain? 
                        …. so yuh tink ah could use dat instead of panadol? 

ME:                        No, No, No …. you stick wit yuh regular crap .… cuz apparently
                        …… according to Mr. Jagroop …… de pain killin effects in de 
                        cocaine …… does only last bout half hour ……. 

ME AGAIN:           So what happens after de half hour? 

ME:                        Well da’is de catch …… he have tuh try an’ ketch as many
                        crabs …… as possible …… in dat half hour!!! 

ME AGAIN:           So what if he eh finish he ‘hunt’ in de half hour? 

ME:                        duhhh  ……. he go jus feel de hurt da’is all …… if he so dotish
                        tuh leave he hand in de hole! …… but wait ….. comin tuh tink
                        of it …… half hour is enough time!! ……. you know how much 
                        crab yuh could ketch ….. in ah half hour of hallucination!!!! 

ME AGAIN:         What it is we wuz talking about again …. dat cause dis wack 
                        story tuh come up? 

ME:                        Ah was tellin yuh dat de man get hole fuh CRAB and COCAINE!!! 

ME AGAIN:           Oh yes …… rite  …… so wha go happen tuh he now gyul? 

ME:                        Well …… de judge fine him $2000 fuh de cocaine possession ….
                        and $1000 fuh de ‘device’ he used …. tuh take de cocaine! 

ME AGAIN:           WHA!!! …… leh meh see if ah have it rite ……. wha you telling 
                        me is …… he have a ‘device’ tuh take de cocaine …. but he doh 
                        have a ‘device’ tuh ketch de crab??????? 

ME:                        Yep …... correck is rite ……. and de real tief head is dis …… if he
                        had a ‘device’ tuh ketch de crab …. instead of usin he hand …. 
                        he wouldn’t need de cocaine at all !!!!!! …. cuz he wouldn’t be
                        in pain from any crab bite!!! 

ME AGAIN:           WOW ….. what a vicious cycle …… ketchin crab ….. tuh be 
                              able tuh afford cocaine ……. and den takin cocaine tuh be 
                              able tuh ketch crab!!!!!!! 

ME:                        And dat eh all! ……. de man ask de Judge if he could pay de fine
                        “on terms” …… well de Judge say ….. breds ….. yuh in ah 
                        Magistrates’ Court ….. not COURTS …… it eh have no ‘1 dollar 
                        down’ package ….. de only “terms” he get …… is dat de money
                        (ALL) have tuh be paid in one month!!! …….. 
                        CYAH, CYAH, CYAH, ROFL, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!     

ME AGAIN:           dis whole crab and cocaine story …. have meh feelin lil peckish 
                        yes! …… ah gorn!!!!! 

ME:                   scene ….. we go link tomorrow …….
                        well yes …. ah crab catchin crackhead who get catch wit 
                        cocaine and cyah pay de cash he get fine in he case!!!
                        CYAH, CYAH, CYAH!!!!!!!!                     

 PS: look de actual story!