My uncle ……. my father’s brother …… passed away on Monday ….. and though we weren’t close …… I was sad when I got the news …… I wondered why I felt sad though …… cuz I didn’t really know him …… he was very ill ….. for a long time …… and it wasn’t the kind of illness that just lingered quietly ….. it was the physically painful kind ……. he suffered for years ..….. so maybe …… I should have been happy that his suffering was finally over ….... but I’ve come to realize …… that when someone passes on …… there’s really no right or wrong way to feel …… death simply affects! 

Death is a topic ……. most of us don’t like to talk about …… it always seems taboo …… and until a few years ago ……. its something that I never really thought about either …… losing my maternal grandparents …… a year apart (2005/2006) …… was what really opened my eyes to ‘death’ …….. and with my uncle’s funeral tomorrow …..… it will be my 3rd for the year ……. with only 4 months gone so far!!!

With all this talk of death …… I couldn’t help but think about …….. the stages of life ....... from birth …… when it was all about eat, sleep and shit ……. to the pre-teen years …. when it was all about play, play, play (and some school!) …… to the teenage years …… when all you wanted to do was become a ‘grown up’ (in more ways than one!) …… tuh when yuh turn 21 …… and finally start tuh feel like yuh grown up …. limin and partying 24/7 …….. tuh when yuh start going tuh weddings …… cuz you and yuh peeps all settlin down and getting married …… to the stage of becoming an ‘Aunty’ or having children …… then tuh sending said children off tuh school …… and then reaching mid-life crisis …… now mind you ……. some of these stages ….. I never experienced ….. cuz fuh me ……. although stages of life ……. equaled growing old (which is mandatory) …… 'growin up' was optional …… an option I never selected  ……. so ..... I am still somewhere in my twenties!!

But even though feelings of being twenty something ……. persist in my psyche …… my own mortality ……. and that of my friends and family ...... would always be at the back of my mind ….. 

Made me realize ….. that maybe ….. the time had come ……. for me to finally accept …… that I AM at that stage of life …… where death is gonna continue to be on the agenda! 

But ah feelin like ah gettin lil heavy ...... and as yuh know by now ...... ah doh like 'heavy' ..... and ah doh even try tuh be philosophical ..... I’m as shallow as shallow gets …… so on the lighter side of death ……. it dawned on me recently …… dat since funerals are here tuh stay …… and inevitably …… I’ll be attending more (once I’m alive) …… that I should really equip myself …… tuh better handle them ……. is just like when yuh start a new job …… and yuh go out and buy appropriate gear (shoes, clothes, handbag etc.) …… well …… I realize dat …… I real need funeral gear!!! (ah black shoes, ah black dress, some tissue and a handbag tuh put it in, ah darkers etc.) ….. cuz every time I have tuh go tuh a funeral ..... I does pull out de same ole "black dress" ...... it’s actually a pretty FAB dress! ..... a gift from an ex …….. who is like dead to me now .... so ...... symbolically ..... and logically ……. its perfect ….. it became my official funeral dress ...... simply by process of elimination (cuz ah doh have no other conservative-ish, black dress).

Now under normal circumstances …… cuz yuh gyul like herself ……. and she stylez …… I wouldn’t be caught dead in de same outfit twice!!! ……. but since my last funeral ……. not thinking that another would be upon me so soon …… procrastination 'tiefed' my time …… I never got a chance ….. tuh go lookin fuh dat gear ……. and so …… ah end up wit same ole again! 

Death ….. and by extension …… funerals …… are events we don’t plan ……. or pencil in ….. or schedule on our blackberries …… so while yuh here …… enjoy this life to the fullest …… and don’t be fooled by dat ‘life is short’ crap ……. life is long …… and it damn bloody long fuh some ..... so take yuh time ..... smell de roses ...... do all yuh have tuh do ……. go where yuh have tuh go ……. be who yuh have tuh be …… and don’t sweat the small stuff ….. like what yuh gonna wear to a funeral ….. unless of course it’s YOUR big day!