Attitude fuh so!
Ah wasn’t goin tuh say anyting eh …….. ah was goin tuh let bygones be bygones ……. and let asses be asses ……. but ….. fuh therapeutic reasons ..... ah hadda get dis off meh chest!!!
Today ah nearly kill ah man! ....... a dutty, old, fart (ooooops fat), trini-white Security Guard ..... yes ……. yuh read rite ..... AH WHITE SECURITY GUARD!!! (blue eyes and all!!!) ...... I never even knew such a creature exists!!!!
My uncle’s funeral service was held at the Crematorium Chapel on Long Circular Road .....… and never having been there before …… when I arrived …… at about 12:50 pm ……. for a 1:00 pm service …… I quickly drove in ……. tru de BIG gate on Long Circular Road ……. well who tell me do dat ……. apparently ah drive IN …… tru de OUT ……. my mind was so far ..... and ah was done ahready late ……. I didn't even realise I drive in de exit ...... and besides …… it’s the only visible gateway tuh de compound ..... so I didn't even really think twice (although it have ah big NO ENTRY on de gate eh!) ..... anyway ……. as ah drive in ...... ah start tuh head towards de car park one time ..... then ...... out of nowhere ……. like ah jumbie ……. ah security guard start running towards my car ……. motioning fuh me tuh reverse ..... so naturally …… I get frightened ....... I say someting wrong ...... like ah run over sumtin ...... so ah stop de car …… and turn down de window ……. tuh find out wha goin orn ..... de man come up tuh my window ...... and start tuh lambaste me ....... this is how it went:
"GO BACK ..... GO BACK OUT ...... DIS IS DE EXIT ..... GO BACK" .....
GET OUT!!!!
so I now ...... lil stunned ..... ask him …… well where is de entrance? ...... de man start tuh scream now …… like as though I not supposed tuh ask ah question ….. like as though I should know ..... “yuh have tuh go back out and go round de corner” ……
GET OUT!!!!
so at this point ….. I am no longer stunned …… I am now shocked ……. disgusted …… and bitch pissed …… so I said "OK sir, you don't have to get orn like a pig!!!" ..... then I turned up my window ..... reversed my car out of the compound ….. back onto Long Circular Road ....... and began to look for the entrance .... which happened to be ……. on ah lil inconspicuous side street near de Mall ..... evidently ….. there is a sign saying ‘entrance this way’ or some shit tuh dat effect ……. a very small, ineffective sign ...... and who came up wit dat dotish design anyway ……. tuh put de Entrance near de back of de building …… ON AH SIDE STREET!!! …… and de Exit at de front of de building ????? …..... ahhhhhhhh …..... maybe I have to be an architect tuh understand!!!
Now remember is a cremation I goin to eh ……. so I already in ah certain frame of mind ........ so imagine how dat frame of mind …… contort ..... after encounterin dat ass! ....... I real wanted tuh kill ah man (he) ....... and tuh tink ...... I was only about 3 feet away from de car park!! ...... if was me …… I woulda jus say sumtin like ……. ‘fren, diz really de exit eh, but park dey” …….. and everyting woulda be nice …… folks woulda feel lil chupid ….. dat dey drive IN de OUT ……. but de problem woulda been solved ….. easy …… cuz is not like anybody was tryin tuh ‘exit’ anyway …….. de man jus wanted tuh show me ……. dat ah do shit ...... and dat he is de “Boss” ……
I don't know if his behaviour ....... is a reflection of ...... his brought-upsy (or lack thereof) ...... or his class (or lack thereof) ..... or a reflection of how our society is right now ....... but HELLO ....... as much as I don't condone violence ......... some people does really really drive yuh tuh think about it ......
Lucky fuh me ...... earlier this morning ….. while checking my email …… I came across a lovely one …… from a wise friend of mine …... simply entitled “Attitude” …… its one of those ‘easier said than done’ inspirational pieces ….. about choice ...... i.e. choosing how you react or behave …… or choosing to be in a good mood …… or choosing to be posititve etc. ……. and God alone know …… that that email came to me today …… of all days …… so dat when asshole run up on meh dis afternoon …… ah woulda make de rite choice ...... and choose not tuh bounce down he ass!!!!
Anyway …… since ah was wrong in de first place …… I also chose to stay calm …… and to swallow all the expletives that were at the tip of my tongue …… I went into the chapel …… the service began 10 minutes later …… I prayed ……. I prayed for everybody …… I prayed for my country ….. and I prayed …. a special prayer …… for that ‘special’ Security Guard …… cuz he need love too!
And what did I learn today …… ignore idiots! ...... and read!…… read signs and instructions ….. follow said signs and instructions …. and stop doin shit tuh piss people off! …… cuz tolerance levels real low dis rounds!!!
Today ah nearly kill ah man! ....... a dutty, old, fart (ooooops fat), trini-white Security Guard ..... yes ……. yuh read rite ..... AH WHITE SECURITY GUARD!!! (blue eyes and all!!!) ...... I never even knew such a creature exists!!!!
My uncle’s funeral service was held at the Crematorium Chapel on Long Circular Road .....… and never having been there before …… when I arrived …… at about 12:50 pm ……. for a 1:00 pm service …… I quickly drove in ……. tru de BIG gate on Long Circular Road ……. well who tell me do dat ……. apparently ah drive IN …… tru de OUT ……. my mind was so far ..... and ah was done ahready late ……. I didn't even realise I drive in de exit ...... and besides …… it’s the only visible gateway tuh de compound ..... so I didn't even really think twice (although it have ah big NO ENTRY on de gate eh!) ..... anyway ……. as ah drive in ...... ah start tuh head towards de car park one time ..... then ...... out of nowhere ……. like ah jumbie ……. ah security guard start running towards my car ……. motioning fuh me tuh reverse ..... so naturally …… I get frightened ....... I say someting wrong ...... like ah run over sumtin ...... so ah stop de car …… and turn down de window ……. tuh find out wha goin orn ..... de man come up tuh my window ...... and start tuh lambaste me ....... this is how it went:
"GO BACK ..... GO BACK OUT ...... DIS IS DE EXIT ..... GO BACK" .....
GET OUT!!!!
so I now ...... lil stunned ..... ask him …… well where is de entrance? ...... de man start tuh scream now …… like as though I not supposed tuh ask ah question ….. like as though I should know ..... “yuh have tuh go back out and go round de corner” ……
GET OUT!!!!
so at this point ….. I am no longer stunned …… I am now shocked ……. disgusted …… and bitch pissed …… so I said "OK sir, you don't have to get orn like a pig!!!" ..... then I turned up my window ..... reversed my car out of the compound ….. back onto Long Circular Road ....... and began to look for the entrance .... which happened to be ……. on ah lil inconspicuous side street near de Mall ..... evidently ….. there is a sign saying ‘entrance this way’ or some shit tuh dat effect ……. a very small, ineffective sign ...... and who came up wit dat dotish design anyway ……. tuh put de Entrance near de back of de building …… ON AH SIDE STREET!!! …… and de Exit at de front of de building ????? …..... ahhhhhhhh …..... maybe I have to be an architect tuh understand!!!
Now remember is a cremation I goin to eh ……. so I already in ah certain frame of mind ........ so imagine how dat frame of mind …… contort ..... after encounterin dat ass! ....... I real wanted tuh kill ah man (he) ....... and tuh tink ...... I was only about 3 feet away from de car park!! ...... if was me …… I woulda jus say sumtin like ……. ‘fren, diz really de exit eh, but park dey” …….. and everyting woulda be nice …… folks woulda feel lil chupid ….. dat dey drive IN de OUT ……. but de problem woulda been solved ….. easy …… cuz is not like anybody was tryin tuh ‘exit’ anyway …….. de man jus wanted tuh show me ……. dat ah do shit ...... and dat he is de “Boss” ……
I don't know if his behaviour ....... is a reflection of ...... his brought-upsy (or lack thereof) ...... or his class (or lack thereof) ..... or a reflection of how our society is right now ....... but HELLO ....... as much as I don't condone violence ......... some people does really really drive yuh tuh think about it ......
Lucky fuh me ...... earlier this morning ….. while checking my email …… I came across a lovely one …… from a wise friend of mine …... simply entitled “Attitude” …… its one of those ‘easier said than done’ inspirational pieces ….. about choice ...... i.e. choosing how you react or behave …… or choosing to be in a good mood …… or choosing to be posititve etc. ……. and God alone know …… that that email came to me today …… of all days …… so dat when asshole run up on meh dis afternoon …… ah woulda make de rite choice ...... and choose not tuh bounce down he ass!!!!
Anyway …… since ah was wrong in de first place …… I also chose to stay calm …… and to swallow all the expletives that were at the tip of my tongue …… I went into the chapel …… the service began 10 minutes later …… I prayed ……. I prayed for everybody …… I prayed for my country ….. and I prayed …. a special prayer …… for that ‘special’ Security Guard …… cuz he need love too!
And what did I learn today …… ignore idiots! ...... and read!…… read signs and instructions ….. follow said signs and instructions …. and stop doin shit tuh piss people off! …… cuz tolerance levels real low dis rounds!!!
Actually, I also went in the exit going to my aunt’s cremation in February. Yuh right, it is a jackass thing to put the exit on the main road and the entrance on the minor road as opposed to the reverse. But honey, I did not have your experience. No one hassled me at all. Probably the guard was not on duty yet. It was the 1st cremation for the day carded to start at 10am and I got there at 9:10am.
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