Beauty queens and beauty pageants ...... neither here nor there wit me ...... although long time ...... when we used tuh have de big "Miss TnT" shows on TV ...... ah used tuh real look forward tuh seein dem ..... cuz truth be told ...... I'm a girl ...... and I love girly shit!!!

Now since time immemorial ........ Miss Universe and Miss World ...... was de only two competitions ...... dat people used tuh kinda take orn ...... then ....... bit by bit ...... de whole beauty pageant scene ...... start tuh breakdown ....... well in trini at least ....... people started comin up wit all kinda shit titles ...... tuh have ah competition for ....... is like somebody sit down one day (clearly under some serious high grade!) ...... and say ..... AYE ..... is time tuh start biggin up all kinds of women ..... not only de Universal and Worldly ones ...... cuz dese days ...... tuh be ah 'Miss Someting' ...... yuh eh have tuh fit into de ........ barbie doll ....... magga whip ..... 'body totally out of proportion' kinda mould anymore ....... yuh just have tuh be ah "Miss" (i.e. female) ...... wit dotish titles like ...... Miss Elegant ...... Miss Mature ...... Miss Teen POS ....... Miss POS ........ Miss Borough Queen ....... Miss Big and Beautiful ...... Miss Sugar Fest ..... etc. etc. etc. ...... NOBODY is left out ...... ALL beautiful 'misses' now gettin ah bligh!

But ...... although we've been conditioned ...... fuh years ...... tuh expect and accept ....... ah setta dotish queen competitions ...... dis one ...... in today's Express ...... real peeve meh ...... Miss Summer Fest 08!!! ........ now everybody know ...... dat summer in Trinidad ........ is like jazz in we jazz fest ...... it eh have none!!! ..... it doh exist!!!! ...... an' ah know dey couldn't call it ....... Miss Dry Season ....... or Miss August Holidays ...... but shit ....... Miss Summer Fest???? ...... and what exactly is de criteria tuh win ah Miss Summer Fest competition? ...... a sunny smile???!!! ..... I jus doh understand ....... why it is ...... some idiot lookin tuh chain up lil gyuls (18-25) in such crap? ....... and DUH!!! ...... of course prospective contestants ...... must be 'Willing to travel abroad' ....... cuz DUH!!! ..... da'is so dey could 'represent' in ah country where it actually have ah 'SUMMER'!!!! ...... and exactly what would be Miss Summer Fest's 'cause' ...... like yuh know how Miss Universe does tackle Aids an ting ....... what would be Miss Summer Fest's cause ....... Global Warming ...... save de ozone layer ...... too much summer sun ....... hot bathing suits fuh summer ...... STEUPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





and just when I thought ...... we were bad ...... look who jump out at meh ..... from yesterday's Express ..... Miss Head Scarf ...... Grrrrrrrrrrrrr?????? ........ anyway ...... yuh know how we trinis follow fashion ....... so stay tuned ...... fuh de trini version .... of dat! ....... MISS HAIR WEAVE maybe ....... or ...... MISS EARRINGS ...... or ........ MISS CURLERS ....... or ....... MISS POWDER NECK!!!