No ..... ah didn't go away fuh de Emancipation long weekend ...... I've just been trying to emancipate myself ...... from all de stupidness ...... trying tuh cut down on de stupid talk nah ...... but heck shit ...... it hard ...... ah cyah make ..... is jus too much stupidness tuh ignore!

No. 1

OK ..... so we'll start wit de headline news story ..... on tonight's TV6 news ....... COP house robbed ..... WHA??? ....... not 'a cop' house eh ...... de COP ...... de Commissioner of Police ...... he house ...... of all houses ...... ah house dat have security 24/7!!!


No. 2

On July 25 ..... ah man try tuh commit suicide ..... cuz he wife leave him ..... he drink some sweet drink and gramoxone ..... but like he didn't drink enuff ..... cuz he end up in de hospital (alive) ..... fuh he stomach tuh get pump ..... anyway according to newspaper reports ....... one day later ...... dey declare de man 'dead' ..... wrap him in some sheets ...... trow him between two other stiffs ..... and my boy was on his way tuh de morgue ..... A A ...... some man ..... who eh really no close, warm, personal friend ..... decide he want tuh see Mr. Gramoxone 'for one last time' ...... and unzip de body bag ..... only tuh discover dat de man really ALIVE!!! ....... cuz he BLINK ...... anyway ...... Mr. Gramoxone was discharged on July 31 ....... but claim dat he did really 'dead' ..... and come back tuh life ...... he say he feel like he was given ah second chance ...... of course de hospital denies dat dey nearly bury ah live man ...... but Mr. Gramoxone real vex ..... dat de hospital tryin tuh make him look like ah quack ...... he say tho ..... dat he doh intend tuh take any action against de hospital ...... Grrrrrrrr?????? ....... LMAO ...... what action he coulda take anyway? ...... sue dem fuh saving his life ....... or fuh tryin tuh send him tuh he grave alive?!


No. 3

So de Caroni Bailey Bridge fall down ..... and kill a man ...... how come they was dismantling a bridge ..... while ah setta big truck was still park up on it???


No. 4

A lil boy ..... 15 years old .... charged with possession of 10 grams of marijuana ..... tell de Judge .... dat he went tuh collect it fuh his mother ...... who couldn't go herself ...... cuz she had tuh tend tuh her other son ...... who was havin ah asthma attack ...... and for whom she needed said marijuana ...... apparently mommy dearest boils the marijuana ...... tuh make ah kinda 'marijuana syrup' ....... to treat her son's asthma ...... ahhhhh ...... finally ....... ah legit ganja story?!


No. 5

3 bandits ...... wearing T-shirts ...... and 3/4 length pants (why did we need tuh know dey kit?) ..... pulled up outside ah bank in Sando ...... in de ever so popular bandit car ...... a B-15 Sentra ...... and robbed two exiting security guards ...... using PEPPER SAUCE ...... not pepper spray eh (which btw is illegal in Trini) ..... but PEPPER SAUCE ...... dey trow de pepper sauce in de guards faces  ........ grab dey guns ...... and de money dey was carrying ($.1M) ..... and ride out ...... lawd!...... PEPPER SAUCE!!!?? ...... what will they think of next???!!!


No. 6

"Molasses spill blamed for Beetham smell" ....... well dat headline totally confused me ...... cuz I always tort was de labasse ...... anyway ..... apparently some molasses spill some time last week ..... from dat distillery place on de Beetham ..... and it changed the scent of the Beetham ..... for the worse ..... which I never tort coulda happen ........ the residents were able to decipher immediately ....... they were the ones ..... who noticed that a new foul scent ..... was added to the mix of de general foul smell ...... who woulda tink dat de Beetham smell could be sorted into different scents?!!!!


No. 7

In today's Express ...... T&TEC launch ah book on electricity ........ de book entitled "Electricity in Trinidad and Tobago 1895-2006" ..... STEUPS ...... fuh who tuh read?? ....... when it comes tuh electricity ...... all people want tuh know ...... is dat it current ....... 24/7 ...... I doh want no book ...... or no stupid brochure in my light bill ....... wit ah setta ting ...... dat nobody eh care bout ...... ting like ....... if current go ...... and doh come back within 12 hours ..... yuh could get ah $30 refund ...... WHA??!!!! ....... what $30 could do fuh me ....... dat cyah even by ah pack ah powder milk ...... T&TEC need tuh stop dabblin in unnecessary literary projects ...... and general foolishness ..... and get down tuh de business of providing uninterrupted electricity ...... write a book on dat T&TEC!!!!!! ...... oh ...... and coincidentally ...... while de book was launchin ....... CURRENT WENT AGAIN DIS WEEKEND!!!!!! ..... STEUPPPPPSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!


No. 8

A witness ...... in ah murder case ...... wanted to make a point to the Defense Attorney ...... so he took out his dentures ...... not his dentyne! ...... his dentures ....... and pelt dem behind de Attorney ....... this he did ...... in an attempt to clarify his answers to questions ..... which were posed by de Attorney ....... doh ask meh what 'clarity' dat action would have provided!! ..... but ....... the matter has been adjourned to August 14 ...... hopefully by that time ...... the dentures would have been recovered, cleaned and restored!


No. 9

And the Minister of Tourism ...... Joseph Ross ..... has suggested ...... that Laventille be made a tourist hotspot ..... what a jolly good idea ..... tuh turn a crime hotspot ..... into a tourist hotspot ..... what tourist wouldn't want to experience first hand ..... being robbed! ..... while checkin out the FAB view ....... or seein de famous Water Tanks ..... and Fort Picton ...... and de Our Lady statue ...... or seein exactly where many young, trini men are killed ....... or even seein where Destra grew up ...... and what tourists exactly he tinkin of? ..... tourists does still come tuh Trinidad??


No. 10

A San Juan man was arrested ...... and charged ...... fuh boarding an American Airlines flight destined fuh Miami ...... without all his documents ....... yuh know ..... ah ticket ..... ah passport ...... ah VEEZAY fuh America ...... ah boardin pass etc. etc. etc. ...... WHA???? ....... how de arse dah man reach on de plane in de first place ..... how he pass tru all de security ....... how he reach from de Mad House (St. Ann's) ...... tuh de airport ..... cuz apparently he's ah mad house resident ..... I say ...... he eh mad one ass ...... he's ah genius ...... tuh reach dat far .... witout ah US VEEZAY!!!


No. 11

Police left their patrol car ...... tuh chase ah bandit wit ah gun ...... and returned (without de bandit or de gun - surprise!) ..... tuh find ah man in de patrol car ...... wit ah cutlass ..... de man refuse tuh give de police back dey car ...... and was only convinced to move ...... when de police fire ah shot, smashing de windscreen ...... hmmmmm ...... what dey was shootin at bwoy?! (de man??) ....... anyway ..... at least that mission wasn't a complete waste of time ..... cuz they were able to arrest de man wit de cutlass instead!


No. 12

A man jumped into oncoming traffic ....... on de Uriah Butler Highway ...... and of course he get lick up ...... by ah taxi ...... it happened around 5:00 o'clock some morning ........ near some bridge on de highway ...... Police were told ...... that the man was sitting on the bridge for about an hour ...... before his fatal jump ...... now what I want tuh know is this ...... who tell de Police de man was dey fuh ah hour ...... was somebody monitoring this man ...... did de dead man leave a note ..... tuh me ..... de only person who coulda have dat kinda info ...... is God ..... how reporters (and Police) does get those weird 'facts'?!





Oh gorm .... dat is Zaboca! ..... so happy they're back in season ..... and back
in my life!