Ah was tryin real hard tuh hold meh tongue on dis one eh ...... but ...... after first hearing about speed dating ...... in Trinidad ...... about a year ago ...... then receiving an email about a new trini speed dating website ...... then seeing it on a blog I maco ...... then bouncing it up on Facebook ...... and now reading about it in today's Express ....... ah jus had tuh say sumtin ..... or else ah woulda explo!!!

Now ah could understand ....... wearing winter boots ....... or even neck scarves (which seems to be the latest fad in Trini) ....... cuz yuh know us Trinis ....... we like we yankee ting ..... we real like tuh follow fashion ..... but speed dating in Trini??! ......... in Trini ........ 'speed' is ah word ...... yuh does normally put wit 'dialing' ........ especially when yuh want tuh call eeeen on dem radio station ...... tuh 'big up' man like Dawg an ting!! ...... or ..... yuh might even fantasize about it on de highway ....... when yuh stuck in disgusting traffic ..... or dependin on yuh age ..... yuh might remember Keanu Reeves from de movie (he was hotttt!) ....... but WOW ...... who woulda ever tink ...... we woulda pair it off ...... wit 'dating'?! ....... what ah fashion tuh follow!!!

As ah mention before ....... about a year ago ...... a friend of mine was invited to a speed dating session ....... well we get real kix ...... cuz dat really wasn't her speed ....... we couldn't believe dat some trini ....... actually bring dat crap (wholesale) from AMERICA! ....... tuh our small ass country ....... with ah population of only bout 1.4 Mil ........ where EVERYBODY know EVERYBODY!!! ...... it was baffling ....... and extremely amusing at the same time ....... needless tuh say ...... she eh go ....... and like she get curse too ...... cuz ah year later ...... she still eh have no man!! ..... and now de ting come back!

Then about two weeks ago ....... another friend of mine ..... emailed me the website ..... "www.singletrini.com" ..... with a note saying ...... "leh we go nah" ....... now from de name alone ....... ah coulda tell is de same speed dating nonsense ....... but curiosity ketch meh ...... cuz I wondered what made this one different ...... so ..... fuh research purposes ...... ah click on it ...... just tuh get ah better feel ....... fuh why somebody thought it prudent ....... tuh wheel and come again ...... especially since the first speed dating venture in Trinidad ....... crash! ....... well ....... the website was hilarious ...... as I'd expected ...... especially de age groupings and de FAQs!!! 

Two weeks later now ....... it in meh face again ........ in today's Express ....... ah say ..... yuh know what ...... like ah cyah get away from dis ting ....... leh meh deal wit it! ........  so ..... after reading de article ...... ah decide tuh check out de website again ....... well HELLO ...... ah had tuh swallow some of meh words eh ...... cuz just when I thought ...... that Trinis so full ah shit ...... dat pride alone ........ woulda keep dem far ...... from dat speed dating scene ...... tuh my surprise ........ two of the five events ...... 'CLOSED' ...... dat mean ah whole 60 trinis get chain up!!!

So leh meh bring yuh up tuh speed ...... on dis speed datin ting ..... de premise is simple ....... yuh single ....... and yuh doh really want tuh mingle ..... cuz yuh not really on de clubbin scene ....... and yuh doh really have de time anyway ........ but yuh still want tuh meet somebody ...... cuz yuh lookin fuh ah relationship ..... so since is not only you in dat position ...... come meet the others ....... in a safe environment ....... where yuh expand yuh social circles ...... and yuh could even make a possible 'love' connection ...... blah, blah, blah BS!!! 
 
Now first tuh begin ...... I am all fuh findin dat special someone and all dat good stuff ....... but HELLO ...... whatever happened tuh de ole fashion way ....... like eye contact ...... and body language ....... and butterflies in yuh tummy ...... and just plain 'dribblin' over ah fine specimen ....... yuh know ........ FLIRTING!! ...... and what about the fun aspects ....... like in dem Indian movies ...... where Mr. Man does be beltin out ah song ...... while patiently chasing her ..... as she hides behind a tree ...... coyly peeping out every so often ........ how 'speed' come in tuh any of dat?? 
 
I want tuh believe ....... dat de 30 people who sign up ....... sign up tuh maco ....... cuz I really not seein dis speed dating ting ...... as a viable option ....... not even fuh de so-called 'busy' people ...... cuz in de first place ..... if you so busy ...... dat you cyah find de time ....... tuh go hunt ah man ..... den how yuh propose tuh keep de man .... if yuh actually ketch one ...... wha yuh want ah relationship for ....... cuz yuh still eh go have de time ....... and den he go horn yuh ..... and yuh go be back tuh square one ...... and how does going to those kinds of 'events' ..... expand your social circles ..... like as tho you go remember fifteen '10 minute' meetings  ...... to me ..... if da'is how you expandin yuh social circles ...... den maybe you should be expandin yuh 'social skills' instead!! ...... and how yuh does know ..... after only 10 minutes (talk about 'small' talk!) ...... dat yuh want tuh date somebody ........ what it is so ....... dat dat person could possibly bamboozle you wit ....... in 10 minutes ...... dat will have you wantin more ........ STEUPS ...... I say ..... unless yuh ON speed ...... yuh could safely find ah date ..... without speed ...... cuz it have real fish in de sea ...... and by de sea ..... and in de gym ...... and in de grocery ...... and in de mall ...... and in church ...... in de bank ...... in restaurants ...... in de library ...... in da club ....... or at da pub ....... at concerts ...... and plays ..... at da movies ...... heck shit ..... at de office ..... or even rite down de road by de parlor!!! 

"Single Trini" is having their first event tomorrow ....... at Cafe Noir ....... and de damage is $225 ....... which entitles you to a free cocktail or glass of wine ...... STEUPS again ....... cuz ah doh know why people does try ....... tuh tie up people head ...... wit de word 'free' ...... after yuh pay ah whole $225 ....... NUTTIN EH FREE!!!! ....... and what's wit dat hefty cost too ..... wha yuh gettin fuh dat ....... ah 'machine readable passport' fuh de 'date'?! ...... ahhhhh ...... an' yuh know what de real tief head is ....... you takin yuh $225 tuh hopefully get ah date ...... when the truth is ...... if you're a brotha ....... and you have $225 tuh blow ....... yuh safe ...... cuz gyuls love a brotha wit money tuh blow ........ and sistas ....... if you too have $225 tuh blow ...... den you eh need no man ...... yuh good tuh go (or come) by yuhself!!!!

So hear what ....... fuh yuh $225 ....... is bess yuh go ...... Island People or Beach House instead ....... cuz trust me ...... da'is where all de "date-able" (aka beautiful) people go be tomorrow ....... not Cafe Noir!!