Designer Vaginas .... and Penis Monologues!?
October is a Cancer Awareness month ..... and as per usual ...... during this month ..... we tend to see a lot of pink ads ..... specifically focusing on breast cancer ..... but ...... I couldn't help but notice ...... dat not only are breasts in the spotlight these days ....... but genitalia too ....... yep ..... vaginas ...... and penises ...... and not in the context of cancer!
About two weeks ago ..... ah plastic surgery ad accost meh ...... an ah say 'accost' ..... cuz tho is ah known fact ..... dat Trinis doin cosmetic surgery now ..... it was never something ..... dat yuh would see advertised in de papers ...... people jus used tuh go hush hush ...... wherever ...... and voila ..... one day ..... dey have breasts ...... whey dey used tuh have ..... two mosquito bite ......
...... now my initial reaction was ..... WHA???!!! ...... cuz de whole ad is real kix ...... from de whole 'make a vacation out of it' scene ..... tuh de actual nitty gritty ...... cuz not only did it cover ...... regular plastic surgery .... ting like breast implants and liposuction ..... it also highlighted a type of surgery called ...... VAGINAL REJUVENATION!!! ....... well yuh know me ...... being clueless as usual ...... AND the proud owner of a vagina ...... I was naturally intrigued ...... what de arse is vaginal rejuvenation I thought?! ...... and why surgery ....... couldn't any man ...... help ah sista 'rejuvenate' ..... and why rejuvenate in Margarita ...... tuh make yuh vagina bilingual ..... and who exactly yuh rejuvenatin for ....... you ..... or yuh 'visitors' ....... cuz I doh know if is because my vagina doh need no 'rejuvenation' ..... dat I jus not understandin ..... cuz tuh me ...... if it is ...... you feel ..... you need dat! ...... dat could only mean one ting! ..... yuh lil over de hill ..... and lookin tuh restore ah lil youthfulness down de hill! ...... and fuh what ....... cuz if da'is really de scene ....... den no matter wha angle yuh look at it ...... it still eh go play off rite ...... cuz at de end of de day....... yuh go jus have ah ole body ....... wit a rejuvenated vagina attached!! ....... no profit! ...... cuz you really feel ...... dat after spendin nuff bolivars ...... and 'fixin it up' like if Christmas comin ...... dat yuh will really reap ...... any real benefits ........ NO!!! ..... on top ah dat ...... everybody know dat ...... ah good workin ole ting ...... better dan ah young ting ..... any day!!!
Oh and get dis ..... de 'All Inclusive go to Margarita for Plastic Surgery Package' ...... includes Tours of Margarita ..... so after yuh done rejuvenate yuh vagina ..... yuh could take it on Tour .... LOL!!!!
Phew ...... so jus when ah was tryin tuh forget ..... dat plastic surgery scene ..... up pops daily ads ..... for a play or sumtin ...... called The PENIS MONOLOGUES and more ...... now unless you been living on Mars or Venus ...... you would have heard about the Vagina Monologues ...... and as we all know ...... vaginas are extremely complex creatures ...... dat could understandably cause generation of much conversation ...... hence ..... de vagina monologues ..... but what in heaven's name ...... it have tuh say so ....... about penises ....... the most simple creature on planet earth?!! ...... baffled is what I was ...... when I saw dat PENIS MONOLOGUES ad ...... OK ...... baffled and also intrigued ...... cuz I wondered ..... after paying an average of $150 tuh go see it ..... how long would it really be ..... no not de penis ..... de monologues ..... cuz really an truly ...... dah writer had tuh be real good ..... tuh find enuff ting tuh write ...... bout ah overrated organ ...... dat only know how tuh ....... pee, poke and pop!!! ....... anyway ..... the play ended yesterday ..... and it is with much regret ...... that I didn't make it ...... cuz knowledge is power ...... an ah woulda really like tuh learn someting new ...... and da'is de next ting ...... who was dat play really targeted at ...... cuz fuh research purposes ...... and because ah didn't have nobody tuh go wit ..... ah ask ah few male friends ..... if they'd go (wit me or generally) ..... and they all scoffed at the idea ..... one even said dat de only penis monologues he interested in ...... is he own ...... so who went ...... only women? ....... and who went tuh see de vagina monologues ...... I suspect ...... again .... only women ...... so ..... was this production a case of vagina envy ...... is it that the vagina was always gettin too much publicity ..... and the penis was feeling a little left out ...... ah hopin tuh ketch it next time it come!
And ...... just as the Penis Monologues ended yesterday ........ right on its heels ...... was the Guardian article below ....... on Designer Vaginas ...... well dat headin ketch meh off guard ...... cuz what de arse is a designer vagina?! ...... now ah know it have designer clothes ..... designer shoes ..... designer jewelery etc. ...... dat everybody could 'see' is Designer shit yuh wearin ...... an yuh know in Trini ...... dat IS de whole point of 'Designer' anyting ...... it eh have nuttin tuh do wit de quality ....... is all about de FLAM factor ..... so what is de real deal with ah Designer Vagina ....... tuh FLAM it too ....... cuz da'is de whole pips wit dat cosmetic vaginal surgery yuh know ...... de perceived ..... improved 'attractiveness' ..... now I doh know bout allyuh .... but in my opinion ..... if is one body part ...... dat doh necessarily need tuh be 'attractive' ..... is yuh vagina ...... cuz once it clean, free of disease, well groomed ...... and most importantly 'available' ...... da'is 'attractive' enuff ...... I doh tink no man ...... dat picky ...... or care ...... or would even notice .... dat little Cherry .... was rejuvenated ...... or had labia reduction ...... and talkin bout labia reduction ..... since when did dat become en vogue ...... anyway ...... as ah was sayin ....... no man eh dat observant ..... especially when he lookin wit ah head wit no eyes ..... and on another note ..... whatever happened tuh some good ole exercise ..... whey Kegels gorn ...... cuz she free ...... and yuh could do her anytime ..... heck shit ..... I doin her right now! ...... ahhhhh ..... throwing out caution (and cash) for a Designer Vagina!!! ...... what next!?!?
PS: .... talkin bout Designer Vaginas ...... ah jus start usin meh 'Designer' Toilet Paper (Charmin) ..... oh gorm de ting nice ..... it worth every single cent (all 4,024)
About two weeks ago ..... ah plastic surgery ad accost meh ...... an ah say 'accost' ..... cuz tho is ah known fact ..... dat Trinis doin cosmetic surgery now ..... it was never something ..... dat yuh would see advertised in de papers ...... people jus used tuh go hush hush ...... wherever ...... and voila ..... one day ..... dey have breasts ...... whey dey used tuh have ..... two mosquito bite ......
...... now my initial reaction was ..... WHA???!!! ...... cuz de whole ad is real kix ...... from de whole 'make a vacation out of it' scene ..... tuh de actual nitty gritty ...... cuz not only did it cover ...... regular plastic surgery .... ting like breast implants and liposuction ..... it also highlighted a type of surgery called ...... VAGINAL REJUVENATION!!! ....... well yuh know me ...... being clueless as usual ...... AND the proud owner of a vagina ...... I was naturally intrigued ...... what de arse is vaginal rejuvenation I thought?! ...... and why surgery ....... couldn't any man ...... help ah sista 'rejuvenate' ..... and why rejuvenate in Margarita ...... tuh make yuh vagina bilingual ..... and who exactly yuh rejuvenatin for ....... you ..... or yuh 'visitors' ....... cuz I doh know if is because my vagina doh need no 'rejuvenation' ..... dat I jus not understandin ..... cuz tuh me ...... if it is ...... you feel ..... you need dat! ...... dat could only mean one ting! ..... yuh lil over de hill ..... and lookin tuh restore ah lil youthfulness down de hill! ...... and fuh what ....... cuz if da'is really de scene ....... den no matter wha angle yuh look at it ...... it still eh go play off rite ...... cuz at de end of de day....... yuh go jus have ah ole body ....... wit a rejuvenated vagina attached!! ....... no profit! ...... cuz you really feel ...... dat after spendin nuff bolivars ...... and 'fixin it up' like if Christmas comin ...... dat yuh will really reap ...... any real benefits ........ NO!!! ..... on top ah dat ...... everybody know dat ...... ah good workin ole ting ...... better dan ah young ting ..... any day!!!
Oh and get dis ..... de 'All Inclusive go to Margarita for Plastic Surgery Package' ...... includes Tours of Margarita ..... so after yuh done rejuvenate yuh vagina ..... yuh could take it on Tour .... LOL!!!!
Phew ...... so jus when ah was tryin tuh forget ..... dat plastic surgery scene ..... up pops daily ads ..... for a play or sumtin ...... called The PENIS MONOLOGUES and more ...... now unless you been living on Mars or Venus ...... you would have heard about the Vagina Monologues ...... and as we all know ...... vaginas are extremely complex creatures ...... dat could understandably cause generation of much conversation ...... hence ..... de vagina monologues ..... but what in heaven's name ...... it have tuh say so ....... about penises ....... the most simple creature on planet earth?!! ...... baffled is what I was ...... when I saw dat PENIS MONOLOGUES ad ...... OK ...... baffled and also intrigued ...... cuz I wondered ..... after paying an average of $150 tuh go see it ..... how long would it really be ..... no not de penis ..... de monologues ..... cuz really an truly ...... dah writer had tuh be real good ..... tuh find enuff ting tuh write ...... bout ah overrated organ ...... dat only know how tuh ....... pee, poke and pop!!! ....... anyway ..... the play ended yesterday ..... and it is with much regret ...... that I didn't make it ...... cuz knowledge is power ...... an ah woulda really like tuh learn someting new ...... and da'is de next ting ...... who was dat play really targeted at ...... cuz fuh research purposes ...... and because ah didn't have nobody tuh go wit ..... ah ask ah few male friends ..... if they'd go (wit me or generally) ..... and they all scoffed at the idea ..... one even said dat de only penis monologues he interested in ...... is he own ...... so who went ...... only women? ....... and who went tuh see de vagina monologues ...... I suspect ...... again .... only women ...... so ..... was this production a case of vagina envy ...... is it that the vagina was always gettin too much publicity ..... and the penis was feeling a little left out ...... ah hopin tuh ketch it next time it come!
And ...... just as the Penis Monologues ended yesterday ........ right on its heels ...... was the Guardian article below ....... on Designer Vaginas ...... well dat headin ketch meh off guard ...... cuz what de arse is a designer vagina?! ...... now ah know it have designer clothes ..... designer shoes ..... designer jewelery etc. ...... dat everybody could 'see' is Designer shit yuh wearin ...... an yuh know in Trini ...... dat IS de whole point of 'Designer' anyting ...... it eh have nuttin tuh do wit de quality ....... is all about de FLAM factor ..... so what is de real deal with ah Designer Vagina ....... tuh FLAM it too ....... cuz da'is de whole pips wit dat cosmetic vaginal surgery yuh know ...... de perceived ..... improved 'attractiveness' ..... now I doh know bout allyuh .... but in my opinion ..... if is one body part ...... dat doh necessarily need tuh be 'attractive' ..... is yuh vagina ...... cuz once it clean, free of disease, well groomed ...... and most importantly 'available' ...... da'is 'attractive' enuff ...... I doh tink no man ...... dat picky ...... or care ...... or would even notice .... dat little Cherry .... was rejuvenated ...... or had labia reduction ...... and talkin bout labia reduction ..... since when did dat become en vogue ...... anyway ...... as ah was sayin ....... no man eh dat observant ..... especially when he lookin wit ah head wit no eyes ..... and on another note ..... whatever happened tuh some good ole exercise ..... whey Kegels gorn ...... cuz she free ...... and yuh could do her anytime ..... heck shit ..... I doin her right now! ...... ahhhhh ..... throwing out caution (and cash) for a Designer Vagina!!! ...... what next!?!?
PS: .... talkin bout Designer Vaginas ...... ah jus start usin meh 'Designer' Toilet Paper (Charmin) ..... oh gorm de ting nice ..... it worth every single cent (all 4,024)
I was shocked that something like vagina rejuvenation could be advertised on the newspaper and not one voice was heard in protest but you won't hear me protesting. Thankfully this blog is not the newspaper so I can fearlessly say a few words on behalf of rejuvenation. It is very well known that marathon runners suffer from joint pain and arthritis early in their lives due to too much pounding and overuse of their joints. The vagina is no different.
Most penises are not overrated but simply underutilized or improperly utilized. The penis is an extension of a man's brain and in some highly evolved individuals, the actual brain. Obviously, penises cannot talk since they are always occupied in deep thought.
If a woman had to go with a designer vagina (sounds good) I would recommend JLo and not Calvin Cline. The only reason I could see for a designer vagina is if the individual is in the porn industry or has a strong tendency to flash at parties and major public events. I think this is really aimed at a niche market for those with discerning taste. Maybe some women would want a designer-vagina for the same reason they would want a BMW or Benz - it stands out in the car park.
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Girl, thanks for the laugh this morning, I'm still wiping my eyes, I was laughing so hard. Apparently Trini have too much money and time weighing on their hands yes.
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well yes.......ah have to say I did read about the Penis Monologues and was a bit curious ...then I forgot....no affront to penises.... I really forgot...yuh shoulda call meh ...ah woulda go wit ya ....we sure woulda have a good few laffs............according to coffeewallah...trini really have a lotta $$$ to waste yes an every body know dat, so every cat, rat and he brudder coming to T&T to get we OIL dollars...dey fail to realise is only de country dat rich an a few ...not de people.....but back to de business of penises,,,,,,I am truly amazed....and more so about the vagina rejuvenation....I agree...men really doh care....remember de man de other day who had sexd wit de car(SUV)......yeh he was drunk but drunkeness is a time of pure honesty....what yuh see is what yuh get......so I hope all the vagina rejuvenators market themselves properly so that buyers...ah mean takers will know the quality of the goods being purchased...oops made available....LOL
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Ahmm...I was just wondering - shouldn't they do the checkup for surgery BEFORE you leave for Margarita? Can you imagine paying for this "vacation" and when you reach the doctors say you can't do it?
But then, the people this geared to could be seen as lacking in the common sense department, not so?
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Allyuh done know .... dat my MO .... is tuh crap and get kix ..... so wit a name like vaginal rejuvenation ... dat was a perfect crap topic .... however .... further to crapping on said subject ... I decided to do some 'research' and it turns out .... that altho de name dotish .... 'vaginal rejuvenation' may actually have some merit ...... if you're so inclined ..... you can check out link below .... whey dey have real 'before and after' pics (ughhhhhh)
http://www.lasertreatments.com/vaginal_rejuvenation.html
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