Tings dat eh pass meh ....
Have you ever noticed ...... that most of the wacky crime stories ..... originate in South ...... yep ...... once yuh see SOUTH BUREAU ..... get ready fuh some real off-key crap ..... like those stories below ..... that appeared in the newspapers over the past couple weeks:
Imagine dat ..... you stop at a traffic light ...... like yuh supposed to ..... and yuh get beaten and robbed ...... is bess yuh did keep drivin! ..... and de boldfaceness of de bandit ..... tuh jump eeen de car ..... do he do ..... jump back out when de light turn green ..... and WALK AWAY ....... not run eh ..... WALK! ..... anyway ...... lucky fuh de victim ..... dat de bandit only beat him (wit de gun) an' eh shoot him!!
LAWD ..... was it really worth it ...... fuh ah measly $100!!!
LOL ...... first tuh begin ...... de man is ah deportee ...... then ..... I didn't even know dat Drug Stores does sell dog food ...... so anyway ...... de man went eeen de Drug Store ..... tief ah $235 bag of dog food ...... and in de process ..... mash up de door of de Drug Store all kyna ting ...... he get ketch after ...... in possession of de dog food AND a knife (which he "kept as defence") ..... gorn tuh Court ...... and tell de Magistrate ..... dat he tief de dog food ...... tuh sell it ...... so dat he could get money ..... tuh buy DOG FOOD (liver and rice) FOR HIS 4 DOGS!!!
De Magistrate say ...... hear what ...... it eh no teenage stress you sufferin from ....... yuh limin wit de wrong people ..... dais what ..... so yuh's ah smart boy ...... an' ah know dat yuh know ....... right from wrong ...... so ah will let yuh go ...... tuh walk de straight and narrow ...... and doh let meh see yuh back in dis Court!!
Could you imagine how frustrating it must be ...... tuh toil in yuh garden ...... day after day ...... tendin tuh yuh crops ....... and idiots jus comin an' tiefin it out ...... Jah!!...... this man did exactly what we all secretly want to tuh do!!!
When ..... in de history of de Trinidad and Tobago Police Service ...... have dey ever caught a bandit 'WITHIN AN HOUR'??? ...... steups ...... I feel dem Police does work out lil deals wit dem bandits ...... so dat dey could bamboozle de public ..... into tinking dat dey actually dat efficient and effective ...... tuh first of all ketch ah bandit ...... and den tuh do it "within an hour"!
I doh even tink dat dis story ....... is ah real story ..... but it was in de papers ..... it's a MUST READ!
This is sad ...... cuz are restraining orders really practical ...... in a lawless society?!
WOW ..... de same grocery ...... robbed twice ..... on de same day ...... of de same item ...... Puncheon Rum?! ...... and check out bandit No. 1 reason ...... he get vex dat he couldn't go on some excursion ..... because he didn't have no money tuh go ..... so my boy decide tuh drink his anger away ...... by tiefin ah bottle of puncheon rum ...... cuz of course he had no money tuh pay fuh dat either!
Oh gosh ..... dis is what yuh call ah ...... SMART MAN ..... and/or a ....... SMART ASS!
De man tief ah $16 pack ah cigarettes ...... he tell de Magistrate dat he was talkin tuh de owner of de Supermarket ..... and he inadvertently walk out de Supermarket wit it ...... which I guess is ah kyna reasonable 'explanation' ...... but de Police now ..... say dat when dey arrest him ..... he tell dem ..... "I JUST DIDN'T PAY FOR IT - SO WHAT?" ...... what an ass!!!
His 18th conviction!!!! ...... and didn't the person buyin the stolen bags ..... at $10 per bag ..... realise that something was amiss??!!
Now fuh some ...... dis woulda been foreplay ...... but wha de jail ...... you know what it is ..... tuh be awakened by ah strange man ...... tuggin at yuh underwear ...... especially if you know ..... dat it eh supposed tuh have nobody in your bed wit you ...... LAWD! ...... den he self ...... he kyna dotish ..... how it is he assess ..... dat de next best ting tuh do ...... was tuh go an' hide under de house ..... behind some ole box?! ..... instead of just flickin toes-in outta dey!!! ..... I tink dey should charge him fuh stupidity too!
So wait nah ..... is not only Trinis does pull out dey penis any and everywhere?! ...... de Bar doh have ah toilet ..... why would you opt tuh go and pee in de bush instead ...... and how de gunman knew which bush tuh hide in ..... or even dat de man would eventually come out tuh pee in said bush ....... OK ...... some dots missin here!
Jus now ...... dis eh have nuttin tuh do wit South crime eh ..... ah jus had tuh go off topic lil bit .... cuz didn't this same thing happen about 6 months ago ..... fuh de 5th Summit of de Americas ..... and weren't they supposed tuh use those same luxury cars ..... fuh dis upcomin CHOGM!??..... am I imagining things?
Whoa ..... suppose we had a law like this in Trini?
Imagine dat ..... you stop at a traffic light ...... like yuh supposed to ..... and yuh get beaten and robbed ...... is bess yuh did keep drivin! ..... and de boldfaceness of de bandit ..... tuh jump eeen de car ..... do he do ..... jump back out when de light turn green ..... and WALK AWAY ....... not run eh ..... WALK! ..... anyway ...... lucky fuh de victim ..... dat de bandit only beat him (wit de gun) an' eh shoot him!!
LAWD ..... was it really worth it ...... fuh ah measly $100!!!
LOL ...... first tuh begin ...... de man is ah deportee ...... then ..... I didn't even know dat Drug Stores does sell dog food ...... so anyway ...... de man went eeen de Drug Store ..... tief ah $235 bag of dog food ...... and in de process ..... mash up de door of de Drug Store all kyna ting ...... he get ketch after ...... in possession of de dog food AND a knife (which he "kept as defence") ..... gorn tuh Court ...... and tell de Magistrate ..... dat he tief de dog food ...... tuh sell it ...... so dat he could get money ..... tuh buy DOG FOOD (liver and rice) FOR HIS 4 DOGS!!!
De Magistrate say ...... hear what ...... it eh no teenage stress you sufferin from ....... yuh limin wit de wrong people ..... dais what ..... so yuh's ah smart boy ...... an' ah know dat yuh know ....... right from wrong ...... so ah will let yuh go ...... tuh walk de straight and narrow ...... and doh let meh see yuh back in dis Court!!
Could you imagine how frustrating it must be ...... tuh toil in yuh garden ...... day after day ...... tendin tuh yuh crops ....... and idiots jus comin an' tiefin it out ...... Jah!!...... this man did exactly what we all secretly want to tuh do!!!
When ..... in de history of de Trinidad and Tobago Police Service ...... have dey ever caught a bandit 'WITHIN AN HOUR'??? ...... steups ...... I feel dem Police does work out lil deals wit dem bandits ...... so dat dey could bamboozle de public ..... into tinking dat dey actually dat efficient and effective ...... tuh first of all ketch ah bandit ...... and den tuh do it "within an hour"!
I doh even tink dat dis story ....... is ah real story ..... but it was in de papers ..... it's a MUST READ!
This is sad ...... cuz are restraining orders really practical ...... in a lawless society?!
WOW ..... de same grocery ...... robbed twice ..... on de same day ...... of de same item ...... Puncheon Rum?! ...... and check out bandit No. 1 reason ...... he get vex dat he couldn't go on some excursion ..... because he didn't have no money tuh go ..... so my boy decide tuh drink his anger away ...... by tiefin ah bottle of puncheon rum ...... cuz of course he had no money tuh pay fuh dat either!
Oh gosh ..... dis is what yuh call ah ...... SMART MAN ..... and/or a ....... SMART ASS!
De man tief ah $16 pack ah cigarettes ...... he tell de Magistrate dat he was talkin tuh de owner of de Supermarket ..... and he inadvertently walk out de Supermarket wit it ...... which I guess is ah kyna reasonable 'explanation' ...... but de Police now ..... say dat when dey arrest him ..... he tell dem ..... "I JUST DIDN'T PAY FOR IT - SO WHAT?" ...... what an ass!!!
His 18th conviction!!!! ...... and didn't the person buyin the stolen bags ..... at $10 per bag ..... realise that something was amiss??!!
Now fuh some ...... dis woulda been foreplay ...... but wha de jail ...... you know what it is ..... tuh be awakened by ah strange man ...... tuggin at yuh underwear ...... especially if you know ..... dat it eh supposed tuh have nobody in your bed wit you ...... LAWD! ...... den he self ...... he kyna dotish ..... how it is he assess ..... dat de next best ting tuh do ...... was tuh go an' hide under de house ..... behind some ole box?! ..... instead of just flickin toes-in outta dey!!! ..... I tink dey should charge him fuh stupidity too!
So wait nah ..... is not only Trinis does pull out dey penis any and everywhere?! ...... de Bar doh have ah toilet ..... why would you opt tuh go and pee in de bush instead ...... and how de gunman knew which bush tuh hide in ..... or even dat de man would eventually come out tuh pee in said bush ....... OK ...... some dots missin here!
Jus now ...... dis eh have nuttin tuh do wit South crime eh ..... ah jus had tuh go off topic lil bit .... cuz didn't this same thing happen about 6 months ago ..... fuh de 5th Summit of de Americas ..... and weren't they supposed tuh use those same luxury cars ..... fuh dis upcomin CHOGM!??..... am I imagining things?
Whoa ..... suppose we had a law like this in Trini?
Have you ever noticed ...... that most of the wacky crime stories ..... originate in South ...... yep ...... once yuh see SOUTH BUREAU ..... get ready fuh some real off-key crap.
Girl, I from south eh and ah have tuh agree. We does have some wacky a$$ stories, fuh real.
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...... and to date ...... my favourite SOUTH BUREAU wack story ..... is ......
The CRAB and the CRACKHEAD
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LMAO! Yes, that was ah classic. Admit it, yuh just love us southern folks
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There is a lot of piper-crime showing up and probably because of the recession. Dog chow theft - piper, selling cell phone while looking for charger - piper, cigarette shoplifting - piper, schoolbags theft - educated piper, shooting peeing man - pipe.
The headline "Two Prisoners Run Free for One Hour" gives the impression these prisoners were frolicking around a tree or running around an open filed and that is why the police was able to catch them.
I don't know about the 1,000 lashes being a deterrent since some people have a spanking fetish
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...... and then what do you call crime ..... dat people committin ..... just because ......
Some day this week I saw a story (another SOUTH BUREAU one) ....... where a man stole a car ..... and he told the Police something like ...... "ah see de car an' ah jus steal it" ...... de man had no real reason really ..... he jus skilled in tiefin car ...... he see a vulnerable car ..... and he tief it ..... full stop ....... is almost like he was playing a video game ..... an' he win!
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