By de time you read dis .... BENJAI would have already WON de Groovy Soca Monarch!!!!!!!

Now I wasn't plannin tuh blog about dis eh .... but lawd have mercy!!!! ..... am I de only Trini who does feel shame tuh say that dat shit is we culture??!!!!

The show started at about 9:33 pm .... with a most spectacular fireworks display ..... which dey didn't show on TV .... but which I heard and saw from my porch ..... while trying tuh block out de loud-ass music dat was coming from ah fete goin orn right down de road from by me ..... SIGH!!!!

At de time of de fireworks .... two jokey hosts was on de TV talking ah setta dotish small talk about de vibes in de place .... and de crowd .... and de contestants .... and de prize money ..... an' how people ready .... blah, blah, blah ......

Now mind you ..... right now ..... is about 4 hours after de start of de show eh ..... so I bloggin on memory ..... which probably eh go be too good ..... cuz de amount ah shit I done see .... I eh want none tuh imprint on meh mind .... so I been cleansin every so often .... and will probably take ah full purge tomorrow .....

Anyway ...... de show start off wit:

La Chapelle Dancers
Gymnasts
Some lil boy  who win some lil chirren contest
Some other lil boy .....

It was like torture .... it was like .... when is de bloody show gonna start???? ..... and then it did .....


RAS STAR

How dis boy win de Synergy Soca ..... I doh know .... de boy come on and scream, scream, scream .... he was real deck-off tho .... in ah full red suit ..... and he bring orn some lil dancer boys tuh dance fuh him ..... de only word I understood in his performance .... was de word FIRE .... oh and as ah mention de fire .... ah now remember ah real stupid part of his performance where her try tuh light either ah incense .... or ah starlite .... and den .... after he light it .... it turn into a flower ..... GRRRRR?????


JAHMOUN

I actually like this guy's song .... never heard of him ..... but I knew the song .... my boy come on wit about 10 hot ting dancer gyuls ..... who dance fuh de whole time wit dey bamsee tuh de crowd ..... I guess was because dey had some word on dey bambam .... I couldn't make out what de word was ..... den he bring on Maca Diamond (from Jamaica) tuh sing part of de song ..... and wine ....GRRRRR?????


YANKEY BOY AND PATCH

Steups .... dem come and sing some dotish drinkin song .... actually I doh really remember dis performance nah .....


MEGAN

I doh know dis chick at all .,... but she was actually OK ..... her only fault really ..... was dat she was kinda Destra-ish .....


BLAXX

Steups ..... I find Balxx need tuh do like Shurwayne Winchester ...... and incorporate ah lil rag into he performance .... de man was lookin real sweaty and gross .... and on top ah dat .... he was jus screamin de song ..... I cyah really remember any of his performance .....


ALL ROUNDER

Lawd .... ah find out tonite dat All Rounder is 71 years OLD ..... I could not believe when I heard that .... cuz de man come orn de stage good as ever ..... body lookin good .... wearing ah gold bodysuit .... and sportsin ah gold mohawk ..... and winin .... yeah .... cuz apparently dat is what his song is about .... my boy  wine and wine and wine .... and end up on he back on de ground .... wit ah ting winin on him ....

Lawd again ..... cuz I'm sure that is exactly what most men want tuh be doin at 71 too!!!!


SHURWAYNE WINCHESTER

WTF???????????????????????????????

He either smoke or snort before dat performance .... cuz WTF was Shurwayne Winchester's performance  about ..... de man come on and sing at zero .... wit ah kinda Michael Jackson vibes ..... signin ah setta shit .....

SIGH!!!! .... he lorse he crown fuh sure!!!


DESTRA

Destra looked fabulous when she first came out .... but what was up with that long break in transmission ... in de middle of her performance ..... why de arse did she have tuh take off her clothes halfway tru .... dat break jus kill de vibes fuh me .....


CHUCKY

That song is just stupid ..... I doh have nuttin tuh say about dis performance .....


BENJAI

Iz ah Trini ..... ah Trini .... ah Trini .... ah Trini!!!
Benjai was DA BOMB  .... again .... he didn't overdo wit no setta propery ..... he come out in de national colours .... obviously .... wit he dancers ..... and lengths of red, white and black fabric ..... da'is it ..... before Benjai even open he mout .... HE WIN ..... de crowd went crazy .... I an' all was home singin tuh de top of meh voice .....
Benjai is de real boss!!!!


SAUCY WOW

Terrible ..... Terrible ..... Terrible .....
Is only tonight I realise that that dingolay song ..... only have about 4 lyrics .....
Saucy had no voice ..... which was kinda unfortunate .... cuz Saucy have ah real good voice ....
Then there was de whole intro shit .... with de cage or whatever it was .....
Then there was her outfit ..... OH EM GEEEE ..... what de heck was dat outfit ..... de only plus was dat we wasn't subjected tuh she belly and she backside .... yeah .... de outfit actually covered!


PATRICE ROBERTS

I love Patrice .... and she looked gorgeous in her carnival costume .... but her performance wasn't really memorable .... like all I remember was her costume .... and de dotish video at de start of her performance .... ah doh even remember de song she sing ....


KERWIN DU BOIS

He start off wit some stupid make-believe contest wit ah puppet judge and a human judge .... judgin two idiots doing de mumbo jumbo .... den he came on as supposedly de second contestant in de competition .... steups ..... and I really like that song .... but de dotish best village intro skit kill it fuh me ......


KES

Kes come on .... and scream and scream .... wit about 20 backup dancers .... and 10 man swaying and holding some big piece ah bamboo or sumtin .... supposedly gettin orn WOTLESS???

Oh and he had orn ah real skinny jeans an' ah silver jacket ..... dat turned into ah royal blue waistcoat ..... GRRRRR????

Good Lawd .... den he bring orn Lord Nelson tuh wine ..... who was decked off in ah baby pink jumper .... GRRRRR????

Good Lawd again .... cuz den Kes strip down tuh he drawers alone ..... and oh ..... some fake bling around he neck .... GRRRRR????
(Afro Chic dat was fuh you )


CASSI

Oh gorm .... whey Cassi was all de time bwoy .... I never see dat man in my life .... well .... before Carnival 2011 ..... which is really strange .... cuz I have ah rastaman radar .... dat works pretty good .....

Cassi start off wit ah Kitchener look-alike and ah bee .... tuh depict de start of de song ..... hmmmm .... but oh gorm .... fuh me ..... Cassi couldn't do no wrong .... cuz ah real like dat song .... an' he eh too bad heself ...... oh and he look real nice too ..... A A an' he bring orn ah whole panside too yes!

De only kicks ah hadda get off of Cassi .... was he cardboard props of de twin towers ..... and he south gyuls and town gyuls who come orn de stage tuh have a duel ....


De Groovy Soca Monarch competition ended at 1:22 am ..... and at dat point .... ah had some questions .....

WHY WAS EVERYBODY SCREAMING????

WHY WERE ALL THE PERFORMANCES SO UN-GROOVY???

WHAT'S WIT ALL DE PROPERY????

WHAT'S WIT ALL DE DOTISH VIDEO INTROS????

WHAT MUST THOSE GUEST FOREIGN ACTORS THINK OF US NOW????

Ok .... so it's now 1:37 am

.... and Lawd .... dey announcing dat people in General Admission gettin trample and pickpocket ..... and dey askin de Stadium Maintenance Crew tuh open up de bleachers ..... and dey saying dat de show will not go on if dey doh open up de bleachers .....

WHY DE ARSE ALL AH DAT ON DE TV FUH EVERBODY TUH HEAR????

Ok .... so like dey open up de bleachers ..... cuz it's now 1:47 am ..... and The Power Soca Monarch competition is about to start ......


JW and BLAZE

LOL .... these two guys are hilarious ..... and by the way .,.... their song is tres stupid .... but their superhero costumes ..... and dey gyuls of all colours (yeah dey had white winer gyuls too) ..... and dey obvious make-up verses ..... were all good .... dey even bring orn de Trinidad and Tobago Regiment Band .... GRRRRR????

They were just funny ..... they knew they couldn't repeat last year's win ..... so dey look like dey jus came out fuh fun .... as opposed tuh .... tryin tuh defend dey crown!

Anyway .... is now 2:31 am ..... Blood done perform ..... Skinny Fabulous done perform ..... and Michelle Xavier jus perform ....

Shal Marshall on de stage ......

.... and I out .....

cuz if I only stay here tuh write about de Power Soca Monarch ..... dis post eh go end!