Carnival 2011 would have tuh be de most uneventful Carnival I've ever had .....

Fuh de entire season ..... was pure salt fuh me ..... yeah ..... Ticketmaster didn't have me tuh study at all ..... altho she did come tru fuh two events ..... and end up not calling meh fuh another one ..... and end up overs-in meh fuh another two ....

Yep ..... da'is how my Carnival went ..... look de tings ah do ...... an' de tings ah nearly do:

• De 3 Canal show ..... ah do ..... and it was borse!! ..... dem fellas could real put orn ah production bwoy! .... everyting was BAD ..... de 3 ah dem ..... dey outfits ..... dey new music ..... de guest artistes ..... dey dancers ..... de screen ting on de wall ..... de Little Carib Theatre ..... everything ..... everyting was real gorn!
• De Machel Return Concert ..... ah didn't do ..... ah lorse out .... cuz Ticketmaster end up gettin de bligh muzbe about 10 o'clock de same nite .... and decide that that was too late tuh call meh ...... Grrrrrr????
• De Zen Bacchanal Wednesday ..... ah do ..... which was like de twilight zone itself ..... cuz de party was like 3 party one ..... cuz one stage had soca bands ..... den another stage had techno???? or some kinda rave vibes ..... and den ah next stage ..... which I understand was suppose tuh be inside de warehouse ..... had some odda kind of music ..... I didn't last long dey ..... muzbe about ah hour!
• De Soca Monarch and Girl Power ..... ah eh do .... Ticketmaster call meh tuh go (since in de mornin) ..... and den she end up goin wit somebody else .... yeah ..... ah had was tuh hold ah burn!!!
• De Lara all-inclusive .... ah do .... as per usual ..... and it was stoosh ...... as per usual ...... wit de lovely Andy Loos toilets ..... and with very few who's you (like me) ..... and all the who's who ..... like de Prime Minister ..... and Basdeo Panday (who ah take ah picture wit) ..... oh and then there was de loads of food ..... and de loads of drinks ..... and even we new $2,000,000. Soca Monarch performed fuh us ..... an' ah hear dat de white car dat was park-up by de stage ..... was tuh give away .... yeah .... I eh know who get it tho .....

Right  ..... so dat was my whole Carnival in ah nutshell .....

Ah next ting dat ah didn't do fuh de Carnival ..... is read papers ..... I had tuh end up trowin way real papers ..... yeah ..... papers dat was still wrap-up in rubber band ..... and tie-up in plastic bag!! ..... when ah tell yuh dat hurt meh ..... cuz all I was seein is money and good blog fodder .... jus goin down de drain .....

So this morning now ..... ah decide tuh get back on track ..... and read some papers ..... and whoa ..... am I glad I did ..... cuz did y'all see de Newsday 3D paper yesterday .....

Well ..... it fail eh ..... de ting come focus and blurry at de same time ..... wit de accompanying pair of 3D cardboard glasses tuh un-blurrise de blurry ..... but when ah tell yuh de ting was jokey ..... cuz hello ..... it had meh eye goin cokey ..... den ..... de photos wasn't even HD ..... cuz if yuh see de colours how ..... washout-eee ..... so of course ..... I wanted tuh dead when I read in today's Newsday ..... dat people was scramblin tuh get it ..... and dat all sell out .... and dat people want tuh know where dey could get ah copy ..... cuz Grrrrrrrrr .... de ting is real shit!!! ..... anyway ..... I have a copy if anybody want it ..... cuz I cyah look at dat again ..... cuz first tuh begin ..... fuh me .... reading ting in 2D done hard enuff as it is ..... cuz I have ah condition call vagina vision ..... yeah ..... dat is when yuh have tuh hold ting all dong by yuh vagina tuh be able tuh read it ..... so imagine me ..... tryin tuh see 3D quite dong dey ..... so I safe ..... whoever want mine could get it ..... besides .... I am not a 3D fanatic ..... I just doh see de point ..... like yuh eh go see me runnin dong no 3D movie an' ting like dat ..... especially since ah find out dat Movie Towne does re-use de 3D glasses (ughhhhh) .....

Look my copy .....




...... and da'is some of de Trinis who buy it out!!




Then Machel (Montano) put out ah full-page ad ..... tuh say ..... THANKS ..... tuh every Tom, Dick and Harrylal ..... and all how ah try tuh find ..... DE GOVERNMENT ..... and ..... KAMLA PERSAD-BISSESSAR ..... I eh see dey name nowhere .....




..... and talkin about full-page ads ..... dis 'honourable' woman fuh real???!!!!




But back tuh Machel and Kamla ..... cuz dat headline below was ah real eye-twister ..... cuz I coulda swear I see ..... Machel WINS in Court ..... which I guess wasn't too eye-twister-ish after all ..... cuz yuh done know that dat go be he next big WIN!




Buh wait ..... doh make joke nah ..... I didn't jus read dat Machel was winin in Court??!!

I cyah believe dat de Machel and Frenz case finally resume ..... and de Prime Minister whiskin him away tuh London?! ...... an' how dey could tell Ricki Jai dat dey eh have no money tuh take he too ...... yes ..... apparently dey did call Ricki tuh chain him up fuh de scene ..... and den like dey realise dey give out too much $2 MILLION PRIZES fuh de Carnvial ..... so dey tell Ricki hold ah burn!!!




Ah yes ..... dis place sweet too bad!!!

Anyway ..... ah hadda run ..... but before ah go ..... yuh hadda check out Cedriann Martin's review of de Soca Monarch ..... de gyul take all de words right outta meh mout!!!




Vendors and Retailers does get ..... Panties ...... from $10 ..... PER DOZEN!!!! ..... so why it is panties so damn expensive bwoy!!??





PS:  ..... they're baaacckk