Ah wotless weekend post ....
I have tuh be de most idlest person I know ..... cuz I just LOVE tuh browse tru de classifieds 
But hear what .... ah doh really have time tuh dissect dem right now tho ..... ah only logon ..... because ah jus realise dat de deadline date reach ..... fuh one ah dem .....
EMPLOYMENT
Must have a police record????? ..... so only bandits (and former bandits) need apply!
These made de cut ..... cuz de words MAKE .... MONEY ..... and FREE ..... does always ketch meh eye!
Really??? ..... unless dem beads laced wit diamond ..... platinum ..... or even cocaine ..... I cyah see how yuh makin no US$5000 ah month!!
Why pray tell would a US company be lookin fuh ah local CSR ..... have they ever experienced a local customer service experience??!!!
Eh ..... how much utensils ah doubles operation does use up .... fuh dem tuh need ..... PERSONS!!??
With or without valid passport??? ...... Grrrrrrr???? .... wuz de relevance????
All yuh need fuh dem positions in dem 3 ads ...... is tuh be ..... MALE, FEMALE, PRAYNG, CHRIST CENTRED and FAITHFUL ......
Ah wonder what kind of store this CONVENIENT STORE is ..... ah wonder if is ah CONVENIENCE STORE??!!
Ah not from South ..... but I do have no experience ..... and I do know how tuh read WINGDINGS and ZDINGBATS ..... so I'm thinking of applyin fuh de AbcefghIj position ....
Dey lookin fuh ah SECRETARY ..... or ah ..... SEXRETARY ..... cuz how de heck ATTRACTIVE come eeeen tuh de mix??!!
And again .... beautiful, sexy and Receptionist in de same ad?? ..... ah really hopin dat de Beautiful goin wit de Escort .... and de Sexy goin wit de Models .... and de Confidential and Reliable goin wit de Receptionist .... 
LOL ..... what is a SWANKY DANCER?
There's actually such a creature? .... as an EXPERIENCED tamarind roller .... like how much 'experience' do you need tuh roll ah tambran ball????
WHAT????
WHAT????
WHAT???? .... HANDWRITING????
Must be FIX???
HEALTH AND SOME OTHER NONSENSE
Steups ..... ah whole 10 mintes ..... tuh take 3 dresses out of yuh closet ..... and let them LOOSE!!! ..... I could do dat in 10 seconds!
Grrrrrrrrr ..... since when man does need shit tuh boost dey sex drive ..... I doh know one man who need ah sex drive boost!!!! ..... dis product done fail!!!!
LAWD ..... now yuh could get ah butt enhancement wit ah different nationality!!!!
WHAT????
WHAT????
SINGLES/PERSONALS
I doh even know what tuh say about these!
I doh know what tuh say about dis eeeederr!
Oh gorm .... and dis one is de ultimate silencer!
What de heck is SLIMTHICK???
WhaT???? .... dis man want tuh take de woman quite ALASKA???!!!
Boy child considered????
LOL .... yuh cyah go wrong wit dis Central 50 year old East Indian Market Vendor ..... he 'WILLING TO HELP' .....
WHAT???? ...... STEUPS!!!!
"seeking female with own place" .....is this NEGRO lookin fuh ah sugar mommy???
..... is the word NEGRO makin ah comback?!
STEUPS ..... listen .... there's nothing .... EXECUTIVE .... UPPER CLASS .... CULTURED .... or PROFESSIONAL ..... about callin up numbers dat yuh see in de classifieds ..... fuh SEX!!!! ..... so please ..... stop playin it off like yuh classier dan de rest!!!
If you have tuh resort tuh ah VOODOO man .... tuh get yuh man back ..... den is bess yuh doh bodda wit he!!!!
MISCELLANEOUS
WHAT????
Like amikong eh get she english too right yet!
G DOUBLES???? .....
Yuh could jus sell yuh gas cylinders jus so .... like shouldn't you buy dem from Ramco?!
WHAT????
This ad gave me a chuckle ..... cuz here it is ..... dey sellin Macy's Jewelry .... plain tees .... and RESTAURANT NAPKINS???!!!! ..... reminded me of Sesame Street .... wit ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER .....
Who doesn't ..... I goin an' call dem numbers NOW!
I have a serious question tuh ask ..... what is a COOKING FIG PLANT .... and yes .... this is a serious question .... cuz hear what I want tuh know ..... is green fig .... banana when it green ..... or is green fig what these people callin 'COOKING FIG PLANT' ..... 
Memoriam??? .... 
OMG .... how embarrassing ..... 
Ughhhh ..... is that the ting dey does call sea cockroach ..... dat does be stick up on de rocks in de sea ..... dat dey does dig off ..... and cook ..... and use as an aphrodisiac?! ...... ughhhhh!!!!
Could you believe that this ad was still running in Monday's newspapers ..... yep ..... an' talkin about de PEOPLE'S BAND .... ah hear it only had about 100 masqueraders! ..... clearly people prefer tuh spend dey $4000 fuh ah costume!
Wud up wit this ad ..... what's wit all de 7s?
Is a G doubles like a gangster doubles, or a doubles made by gaza men gone wild?... Negro Nigerian sounds a little redundant, maybe he's looking for a slimthick chick too... Macy's jewelry, Plain Tees and Restaurant 20x20 napkins...sounds like stuff you could pick up at a CONVENIENT STORE!! Life is so unfair... can't get a job rolling tamarind without experience and can't get experience rolling tamarind without a job...And who, indeed, wants to be a millionaire when Henri Gamache can help you win the Newsday Bingo!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh gorm Cyapting Gyaree Griffitt ..... welcome tuh de scene
Yuh had meh rollin wit dis one ..... while trying tuh google Henri Gamache .....
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LAWD ... I now see where you get dat Henri Gamache reference from ... is from de dotish Voodoo ad!!!
LOL .... good lookin out .... how I miss dat shit bwoy??!!
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It is amazing to see so many discriminatory employment ads in Trinidad.
S 7(1)(b) of the Equal Opportunity Act, 2000 prohibits discrimnation in employment, etc., unless it is an "occupational requirement".
"praying, saved, faithful, Christ-centered" - not relevant to work in a hair salon (religious discrimination)
"attractive" - not a requirement for a secretary. (sex discrimination against men and possible age discrimination against older women)
"experienced" - not a requirement. Discriminates against young people, as they would not have acquired the relevant tamarind rolling skills at a young age. (silly ad anyway)
"girl". Obvious one. I used to live in Longdenville, Chaguanas, and I know that wasn't a requirement when I went to buy my bread.
"Male". Obvious one... especially for handwriting? Eh?
Anyway, as a Lawyer with a Masters in Employment Law fighting to stop discrimination in the UK, it's sad to see it happening in my own country without anyone noticing.
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Jamille .... is not dat people not noticin yuh know ..... I think is people jus doh care .....
And yes ..... some of dat shit is blatant discrimination ..... but ..... on de bright side ..... if yuh do decide tuh come back home ..... yuh go be able tuh real 'eat ah food' ..... cuz yuh go have work comin out yuh arse!
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I am crying here! omg, this is soo horrible but funny nonetheless...if a tourist was to go through our classifieds what would they think of us??
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lucky fuh us .... tourists have better tings tuh do (like Tobago) dan read papers!
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Oh gosh, I can't stop laughing yet!! Meh belly hurtin' .. These things for real? I was laughing so loud people must done think I crazy. Some of these things straight up don't make any sense, and they pay to put that in the papers?
Well if nothing else at least it provide a good laugh!
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Aye Watcher .... welcome tuh de scene!
.... an' dat is de same ting dat does get me .... cuz yes .... people does actually pay money tuh put dem shit in de papers ....
Yuh see dat ad below ..... it appearing in de papers .... since I learn how tuh read papers .....
Who payin fuh dat?!!
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Scene, you are not the idle one but the people who place these ads
If I had a police record I will not sell my services cheaply so the client will be better advised to seek someone without one to save money.
Saying an attractive personal sectary is redundant but it is always good to emphasize the main skill set required for the job. If the man (I assume it is a man) wants competence the ad would have read just sectary.
The store may be conveniently located and the owner has less than 3 O’levels.
I will also recommend that all potential CSRs stay away from US companies that can only afford an ad that is two lines in the Classifieds.
Doubles utensils washing is a skill that seems to be hard to come by hence the ad. It may not be the quantity of utensils to wash but the enormous skill necessary to wash them which led to the ad.
I am also a person who either have or don't have a passport.
I am sure if people went to an employment agency instead of placing ads in the classifieds they would get these hard-tu-get people they seek. For example, the last time I filled out a form for employment under skills I clearly remember ticking off Swanky Dancing and tamarind rolling as some of my talents.
To be continued...
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LMAO
aka boy .... you never disappoint ..... I real laugh wit dis one ....
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ah doh understand the whole $2.00 doubles...so because is only $2.00 it only coming with one sauce??? on top ah dat...wholesale doubles, which mean what exactly? dat you getting a set ah doubles for only $2.00???
I have to give kudos to the sexually dysfunctional man who still put heself out there!!!! he might not get any calls but he well brave!
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Aye Rissa ..... welcome tuh de scene!
.... and I doh understand dat doubles ad either ..... as a matter of fact ..... I doh understand de majority of dem ads!
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thanks!
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Yuh not right. Lmao. I only read a quarter of them and ah build real jones.
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ur not the only bored person who goes thru the classifieds...they put a smile on my face everyday...btw the brazilian butt enhancement is said to have originated there so the surgery is referred to in that way
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this henri gamache; givin trevor sayers some competition...
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Nah ..... he cyah tess Trevor Sayers .....
Trevor Sayers win!!!
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the ' Cooking Fig Plant' is a classic!! lol
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I don't know which was funnier - the ads or your comments! You're hilarious!
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Wheeeyyyzzz trinitea .... whey you bounce-up dis ole post .... yuh real take meh back dey ...
... anyway .... Welcome tuh de scene!
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